The Hardest Part
by crazednthu
Summary: The most amazing thing about a heart is that though it can break and shatter to pieces, it only takes a bit of love to mend it back together. Ron thought his heart could never heal after what happened, but Hermione may be able to show him otherwise.
1. A Rush of Blood to the Head

So, I'm really excited about this. I wanted to write a story that wasn't just as simple as, "Oh, Ron and Hermione are together and perfect!" No, they deserve more. They are more.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Ron watched her with his lip bit. Her movements were slow but precise. If fact, everything about her seemed to flow in a perfect rhythm as if there was a constant song playing in her head. She turned to him and smiled sweetly. "You know if I didn't know you so well I would be very afraid right now."

Ron chuckled, "Why?"

Luna Lovegood ran a small, soft hand down his cheek. "You're staring at me like a crazed man."

"I am crazed. Just look at you. How am I supposed to be?" Ron asked. Luna rolled her eyes and stood up.

"I can't find my jeans," she breathed. Ron licked his lips and watched her search. Luna's skin was ghost white. Her body was small and delicate. The two of them looked rather amusing together. Sometimes when they hugged, Luna got lost in his long limbs. He loved it.

"Why would you need jeans? We're about to start round two," Ron said sitting up in the bed.

Luna's already huge eyes grew larger. "Round two? Ron, we just finished a few minutes ago. There's no way you are ready again."

Ron rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm. He pulled her into the bed and took her hand. He placed it on a certain body part that would make her think otherwise. "You may be in Ravenclaw, but I think I know more about this than you."

Luna licked her lips. "You defy all laws of nature." Ron closed the gap between them and kissed her. Luna kissed him back and opened her mouth. Ron moaned as he tasted her sweetness. He wrapped his lips around her tongue and sucked. Luna placed her arms around his neck. Ron laid her back against the bed. He broke away from her mouth and gazed at her.

Luna's pale face was slightly pink. Her large silvery eyes were hazy and dreamy as always. Ron was blown away. Luna was the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen. Everything about her was mystical and refreshing. He traced her small red lips with a finger.

"You're so bloody beautiful," he breathed.

Luna grinned and kissed his nose. "You're not so bad yourself, Ron." She ran her hands up and down his arms. Ron sucked on her neck as he pulled down her bra straps. Her breasts weren't very big, but they were incredibly soft and fit into his large hands perfectly. Everything about Ron and Luna was large and small.

"Ron," Luna moaned and his hands found her waist. He pulled down her underwear and touched her warm, wet middle. Ron felt the little blood that was left in his body move south. There was no better sound that hearing her soft, wavy voice moan his name.

"Gods, I want you," Ron panted against her neck. Luna's hands went to his hair where she pulled. Ron looked up. She was biting her lip and breathing heavily. She nodded to him and pushed up a bit. Ron smirked and entered her. She softly cried out and shut her eyes. Ron watched her with a grin as he moved back and forth again and again inside her body.

Once again, Luna was looking for her jeans. "They're right here," Ron said as he pulled them from under the bed.

Luna frowned, "They were there the whole time."

Ron shrugged, "Well, I needed a few more minutes to look at you."

Luna snatched them and put them on. Ron himself put his pants back on. Luna went to the mirror and ran a hand through her waist length, dirty blond hair. Ron chuckled. No matter what she did, it would look wild. He thought it was sexy.

She caught his eye in the mirror, "You're staring again."

Ron shrugged and walked over to her. He stood behind her and held her. "I don't want you to go."

"Dad said I had to come straight home. It's not safe here he says." Luna turned around and placed her arms around him. Ron rolled his eyes. He and his family were still at Sirius's house. He hated it there. It was dark and gloomy and he rarely got to see Luna.

"If we were at the Burrow, I could just walk to your house," Ron whined.

"I know, but it's for the best. You're safe here and so is Harry," Luna told. Ron wanted to retort but he knew she was right.

"I miss you though," Ron confessed.

"I miss you too. I miss you so much," Luna said softly.

"I can't believe I miss school. We've been out a week and I miss it. At least at Hogwarts I can see you whenever I want to," Ron said while twisting one of her wavy lock between his fingers.

"Hey, we'll see each other plenty of times this summer, and when school starts we'll spend all the time in the world together," Luna reassure. Ron looked away. "Ronald," she breathed. Ron turned back to her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. Ron instantly melted against it. They held each other for days it seemed. She pulled away. "I love you. You know that. My heart is inside of you. I can never be too far away."

Ron felt a small lump in his throat. She was always saying things that like. Ron could never come up with anything so brilliant. All he could say was, "You have my heart too. I love you so fucking much." Luna smiled a bit and kissed him once more before pulling away.

"I have to go, but I'll see if I can come by tomorrow," she said. Ron nodded. She went to the door and opened it. She turned back around and gave him another beautiful smile. "I love you Ron. I'm always right here." She placed a hand over her heart. Ron exhaled deeply and bit his lip. She closed the door behind her.

Ron slumped to the floor and played with a loose string on the carpet. He always felt a bit lonely without her. They started dating in the middle of his fifth year. Ron had always been intrigued with her and wasn't really sure how he felt. He couldn't believe it when Ginny told him that she fancied him. It didn't take him long to ask her out with a little push from Harry. It had been over a year now. Ron couldn't be happier. He would start his last year at Hogwarts with the best girl in the world.

He finished getting dressed and walked downstairs. His mother was making dinner and everyone was seated at the table. He took his spot between Harry and Hermione. She smiled at him as he sat down. Ron returned her smile. "You'll see her tomorrow," she said smoothly while rubbing his arm. Ron's smile grew. Hermione always knew how to make him feel better.

"You don't think I'm acting ridiculous do you?" he asked.

Hermione shook her head. "Of course you're not. You're acting in the exact way you should." Ron nodded and decided not to be too upset. He would see her soon.

It was dessert time. Ron was working on his third helping of pudding and was in the middle of discussing quidditch tactics with Harry and Ginny when Bill ran into the house. Ron knew something was wrong. Bill was pale and had a weird look in his eyes. "There's been an attack."

"What is it?" his mother asked.

Bill walked further into the room. "Death eaters. They made another attack."

"Where did it happen, Bill?" his father said at once.

Bill turned to Ron. It was at that moment that he knew. Something was terribly wrong. "The Lovegood house."

The room was quiet. Ron felt a disconnection to his body. It was as if his mind had oozed out of his skin. "Where is she?" he asked.

"St. Mungo's," Bill breathed.

Ron didn't give anyone time to respond. Without him even thinking of a plan or what he was going to do he Disapparated. Before he knew it he was in the hospital. He went to the front desk. "Where's Luna Lovegood?" he demanded.

The witch at the reception desk gave him a look. "Are you family or-"

"I'm her cousin," he lied.

The witch sighed and looked at a chart. "She's on the second floor." Ron dashed away as quick as he could. His mind was in a haze. He didn't know what to think. He couldn't think. All he knew was that he had to find her. He made it to the second floor. There were many healers standing outside a particular room. He ran over and one of them grabbed him.

"Son, you can't be there," he said.

"No, Luna's in there. I have to see her," Ron whined. He tried to pull himself away from healer.

"Ron," someone said from behind him. He turned around. Harry had his hands on his knees and looked out of breath.

"Harry, they won't let me see her," Ron cried.

Forty minutes had gone by. His family was standing outside her room. Luna's father was in another room. He was badly hurt but would be okay. Ron didn't care. He only had eyes for Luna. He paced over and over. He tried to keep his mind blank.

The door to her room opened. A healer came out. His thin, white robe was covered in sweat. His face was red. Ron didn't need to hear it. The look in his eyes told it all.

"Oh, no. No, no, no. LUNA!" Ron screamed as he ran past the healer and into her room. Ron ran to her bed and gasp. Luna was pale. She was paler than he had ever seen her. Her eyes were closed and dirt and blood covered her body. "Luna, Luna, wake up. It's me Ron. Please wake up," Ron cried as he held her and patted her face. She didn't move. Her beautiful eyes didn't open. Her perfect mouth did not stretch into a smile.

"Ron," Harry said from behind him.

"No! Don't even fucking think about it. She's fine…she…just. Luna. Luna please…it's me Ron! It's your love. I'm here. I'm sorry I let you leave. Please come back to me. Don't be mad. Don't do this. Don't leave me all alone," Ron begged. He shook her lifeless body. "LUNA! LUNA!" he screamed.

Harry grabbed him and pulled his away. Ron collapsed to the floor. Hot, painful tears ripped from his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Harry cried.

Ron tore from his clutches and ran out of the room. He didn't get very far. His legs gave out again. He held himself and rocked. He couldn't stop crying. "Ron," someone breathed.

He looked up. Hermione was kneeling in front of him. Her brown eyes were wet and red. He didn't know what to say. For some reason her eyes made him brain connect to his body. He threw his arms around her without thinking. He held her tightly while taking in her warm scent.

Hermione didn't say anything. She held him while rubbing his back. Ron cried and couldn't stop.

* * *

"Ron, it's time for breakfast. It's last call. I tried telling her that you weren't hungry but she won't have it."

Ron opened his eyes. A blinding light was shining in his face. He sat up and rubbed them. When the room finally came into focus he saw Harry sitting on the edge of his bed. He had the same worried look on his face that he held every morning. "You okay?" he asked.

Ron rolled his eyes. This had been their daily routine all summer. "Yes, I'm fine."

Harry smiled a bit and patted his knee. "Okay. Meet you downstairs, yeah?" Ron nodded and swung his legs over the bed. Harry gave him one more smile before leaving the room.

Ron didn't want to shower but he had too. The cold water stung but felt good to his skin. Ron looked at himself in the mirror as he got dressed. Every day he felt a bit more disgusted with himself. He was tall. He was too tall for his own good. His skin was pale and his freckles blemished his skin everywhere. His frame was small. Ron hated how skinny he was. Even at seventeen he barely had any muscle. His blue eyes were a bit red and blank as always. It was nice that his hair was long enough now to hide them a bit. Even though he didn't want to see anyone, he had to eat. He barely ate anything the day before and he knew his mother would get on his case again.

With a heavy sigh, Ron left the room and tried his best not the look the way he felt. The smell of sausage and toast lifted his spirits a bit. His father, Harry, Ginny, and Hermione were at the table. Ron said next to Hermione. She smiled a bit. Ron tried his best to return it.

"How are you feeling today?" his father asked.

"I'm fine," Ron breathed.

"Are you really dear?" his mother asked while putting a hand to his forehead.

"Mum, I'm not sick. I'm fine," Ron pressed while moving away.

They all looked at him in a disbelieving way. Ron wanted to leave. He wanted to scream at them to stop staring. He didn't though. He placed his head in his hands. "I'm not going to crack today, okay? Can we please just eat?"

Nothing more was said. They all ate in virtual silence. Afterward, Ron excused himself and went back upstairs. He went to his room and closed the door behind him. He would lock it but feared if Harry tried opening it and noticed it was locked, he would panic. Instead he took something out from his side table. He ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

He looked at the picture. It was of him and Luna. They had taken it last Valentine's Day in Hogsmeade. He ran a hand over Luna's beautiful face. It had always been his favorite picture. Not only did she looked gorgeous as she laughed but she looked so…alive. It had been two months since her death. Death eaters had attacked her house. While her dad made it through with broken bones and a cursed arm that was pretty much useless, Luna was dead. She had lost too much blood. A curse hit her stomach. The healers said she probably didn't feel too much pain. She was practically dead when she was admitted.

Everyone thought that would make him feel better. Ron snorted. Being told his girlfriend felt little pain when she died only made him feel worse. He rather her be in extreme pain and alive than peaceful and dead. He clutched the picture and let his tears fall. He couldn't feel in front of everyone. He couldn't let them in. He blamed himself for her death and everyday he wished he would have been there with her. He didn't tell anyone about his feeling of course. All he could do was keep saying over and over again "I'm okay."

The truth was he wasn't okay.

* * *

That was distressing but I loved it. I'm pretty excited about this. I haven't really tried a story from Ron's point of view and I like the change. Now, this is a Ron/Hermione story, but don't expect it to be right away. This can be really great but I need those reviews to know to continue so let me know!! Thanks

CRAZED


	2. Trouble

Thanks for the reviews!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

The end of the summer finally came. Ron had successfully made it through without losing it. While everyone else was preparing for the next great year, Ron kept his head down and said little. It was a week prior to school starting when the letters came.

"Harry, Hermione, you got letters from Hogwarts," his mother said.

"What is it?" Hermione asked a bit nervous. Ron rolled his eyes. He knew what the letter would say. He looked up from his bowl of cereal and watched her open it. His theory was confirmed when her jaw opened slightly and her eyes shimmered with tears. "I'm Head Girl!"

"That's brilliant Hermione," Ginny said. She looked to Harry. "What does yours say?"

Harry didn't look nearly as excited as Hermione. "Um, they made me Head Boy."

"Harry, that's excellent," his mother said.

Harry smiled a bit and peeked at Ron. Ron had to suppress an eye roll. "Harry it's great they made you Head Boy," he said. Harry nodded but didn't look convinced.

Hermione sat next to him at the kitchen table. She smiled and Ron couldn't help but smile back a bit. "I can't believe it," she said.

Ron let his eyes roll at that. "Oh, of course you did. You're the best witch in our year. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," she said. Before he knew it she threw her arms around him. Ron's body instantly froze. He didn't know what to do. He placed an arm around her shoulder and patted her back. Hermione didn't seem fazed by his stiffness. "I need to write my parents."

Ron watched her leave. He didn't know what he felt. He didn't like to be touched by anyone but Hermione made it feel different. He didn't know what it was but he didn't want to think about it.

After breakfast, Ron went upstairs for his afternoon nap. He didn't sleep very well. The bed held too many recollections and he kept have nightmares. After waking in a cold sweat, he got up and walked back downstairs. Before he made it to the bottom step he heard people talking. He decided to hold back and listen.

"I just don't get it," he heard his mother say.

"Dumbledore wrote me last week. The staff didn't think he could handle it," his father answered.

"What am I supposed to do?" Harry said. "I feel weird about it."

"I don't think he cares Harry. I think being Head Boy is the last thing on his mind," Ginny said.

"I'm just so worried about him. He never talks. He always sleeps and he barely eats," his mother said. Ron caught the hint of panic in her voice.

"Well, he just lost his girlfriend. She was murdered no more than an hour after he saw her last," his father whispered. Ron leaned against the wall and slid down. He bit his lip and held back his tears.

"We just have to take care of him," Harry said.

Ron couldn't take any more. He straightened his composure and walked downstairs. His parents were sitting on the couch. Ginny and Harry sat in front of them on the floor.

His mother smiled, "Dear, you're awake."

"Yeah, I got hot upstairs. I'm going to go outside," Ron said.

His mother's eyes grew. "Um, I don't think-"

"I won't leave the property. I'll be right out front," Ron told. His mother looked to his father. Ron felt his blood boil. "I promise I'm okay. I won't…do anything."

He didn't really give anyone time to protest. He walked across the room and left. The fresh, warm air felt good to his body. He walked to a small bush in the backyard. He sat on the dying grass and peered at the sky. It was black and painted with bright, enormous stars. His eyes watered. Luna loved clear, starry nights. The two of them would often make love under the stars and fall asleep in each others arms. It was her favorite thing to do as well as his. He was about the let his tears fall when he heard footsteps.

Ron quickly wiped his eyes. He looked up and saw Harry. His face was scrunched in an expression of worry. He was always so worried. "Can I sit down with you?"

Ron shrugged and picked up a stick. He began to break it into small pieces. Harry sat next to him. They were quiet. Their relationship had changed drastically after Luna's death. They barely spoke and when they did Harry always looked so guilty and sympathetic. Ron hated it.

"I didn't know this would happen," Harry breathed after a while.

"What?" Ron asked.

"I thought you would be Head Boy," Harry said.

Ron snorted "Why? No one in their right mind would pick me over you. You're the Chosen One. I'm just the faithful sidekick."

Harry turned to him. He was frowning. "Please don't say that. You know that's not what you are."

Ron tried to smile. "Look, I'm not mad. I'm thankful they picked you. You deserve it." He thought back to what he overheard in the living room. "Besides, they probably think I won't be able to handle everything. I'm sort of a loose cannon now."

Harry bit his lip. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Ron gave a heavy sigh. "Don't start that. I don't need it from you."

Harry placed a hand on his arm. "Ron, why are you like this? It's me. I'm Harry, your best friend. You can talk to me. Why do you hate me?"

Ron gazed at Harry. His green eyes were big and a bit glossy. He was hurting. Ron was making him hurt and he didn't know what to do to make it stop. "Damn it, don't say things like that. You know I don't hate you. I just…I wish everyone would stop making my situation about themselves." With that Ron got up and ran back to the house. He wiped his stinging tears before entering again.

* * *

School had finally arrived. The only other day he dreaded more than this was Luna's funeral. They were at King's Cross. They were going through their usual goodbyes and last minute advice.

"Have a good year. Take care of yourself, okay?" his father said. Ron tried to hug him back only because he had called off work to see him go.

His mother hugged him next. "Please, if you need anything or if you just want to come home, write me. I'll get you right away."

Ron pulled away. She was holding him too tightly and her smell was too sweet and warm. His mother reached up and put her hands on either side of his cheeks. Her brown eyes stared into his blue ones. Ron's heart began to race. He hated her being so close. He didn't want her to see him. "Please, remember that we love you and you're not alone. I love you so much Ronnie. You're my baby boy."

Ron swallowed the lump in his throat. "Mum, I'll be fine."

She finally let him go and the four of them made it on the train. Ron kept his head down the entire time. Ginny and Ron went to their usual compartment while Harry and Hermione went to the head/prefect compartment.

Ron sat down and Ginny sat across from him. Out of anyone, Ron felt the least awkward around her. Luna and Ginny had been very good friends. She was probably the only person who hurt as much as he did when asked about Luna. He looked at her. She was staring out of the window. Her face was vacant. Whenever she was around Harry, she always smiled and laughed. It was only when they were alone that she ever let her feelings go. He knew what was happening to her. Memories were swimming in her mind. They were memories of happier times. Ron was going through the same thing.

"I don't want to be here," she whispered.

"I don't either," Ron breathed.

Ginny turned to him. Her brown eyes were wet. "She should be sitting right there. She should be right next to you."

Ron felt his skin hair prick with goose bumps. He glanced next to him at the empty seat. Luna should have been there. He should have been holding her. He should have been running his hands through her mass of hair while she giggled and kissed his neck. She wasn't though. She was nowhere even close to him. He wanted to run but couldn't. He was trapped on the train with painful memories and heavy noises from the past.

The compartment door opened. Neville Longbottom was on the other side. Ron automatically laid his hand where Luna would have sat.

"Um, is it okay if…I sit in here?" Neville asked.

Ron looked away. "Sure, of course," Ginny said with a fake smile.

Neville nodded and sat near her. He looked from her to Ron. "So, I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about Luna. She was a good friend."

"Thanks," Ginny said.

"Ron," Neville breathed. Ron tore his head from the window and looked at him. Neville's eyes were sympathetic. Ron wanted to hit him. "I'm sorry about Luna."

Ron nodded, "Thank you." For the next thirty minutes, Neville and Ginny made small talk about school. Ron stayed quiet and peered out the window.

Finally, Hermione and Harry came in. Harry sat next to Ginny and kissed her. He automatically gave Ron a look and frowned. Harry always tried to keep his affection for Ginny at a minimum. It wasn't because he had any respect for Ron. He only started after Luna's death. Ron figured he didn't want to remind him of the fact that he couldn't hug and snog all over Luna. Ron wanted to tell him that abruptly stopping everything he entered the room only reminded him of it more.

"Can I sit here," Hermione asked.

Ron looked up at her. He removed his hand and moved over. Hermione grinned a bit and sat down. Ron felt the familiar strangeness again. He didn't want anyone to sit next to him but it was almost as if Hermione was an exception.

"How was patrolling?" he asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Obnoxious. The Slytherns are really going to give me hell this year. You're lucky you didn't get the job. You would hate all the rules."

Ron surprised himself when he chuckled, "Yeah, I bet I would." Hermione smiled at him once more. Ron returned it. Something about the way she smiled gave him a rush of comfort. The entire summer he and Hermione had mostly been together. She never asked how he was doing or about Luna. Actually, they rarely spoke when together. Usually, they would just sit and stare off. Ron liked it. He liked being with Hermione more than anyone else anymore and he didn't know why.

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence. Hermione only spoke when spoken to and Ron didn't say anything. Everyone glanced at him from time to time but said nothing. All Ron wanted to do was go to his room and sleep.

Ron didn't really want to eat. It wasn't like he wasn't hungry. His stomach grumbled in starving aggravation, but he didn't want to sit and feel stares on him. He didn't want to say a thousand times "thank you" when someone said how sorry she or he was. He had no choice, however; he couldn't go another minute without food and Harry wouldn't let him leave anyway.

In the Great Hall, Ron walked next to Hermione to his usual seat. He completely avoided looking at the Ravenclaw table. He deliberately avoided the eyes of Melony Gibs, a friend of Luna's. At the funeral she wanted to talk non stop about her.

Ron sat down next to Hermione and on the other side of Harry. He looked down. Seamus, Lavender, and Dean were all staring at him. "Sorry about Luna," Lavender said. Ron nodded. "She was a lovely girl. Everyone loved her."

"Thank you," Ron mumbled. Heat rose on his neck.

"Before our usual announcements, I would like to say something," Dumbledore began. Ron looked up thinking it was something about not going into the Forbidden Forest or not blowing up the toilets. Instead, the usual house banners turned into plan black banners. Ron's heart skipped a beat.

"As you all well know, a student of ours is not with us tonight. Her name is Luna Lovegood. Over the summer, she was taken away from us. I will not lie to you. Luna Lovegood was murdered," Dumbledore told.

Hushed conversations erupted from the hall. He could feel dozens of eyes on him. It was as if all the air in his lungs was evaporating. For some reason he squeezed Hermione's hand from under the table. She didn't turn to him. She simply placed her other hand over his and nodded slightly.

"Let this be a testament to the dark times ahead. It has already spilled itself into our school. Luna was one of the brightest and caring students this school has ever seen. She was brave, honest, and brought joy to anyone who had the privilege to meet her. Though her death was horrendous and way before her time, her memory will live on as sweet and joyful. She is survived by her family and the friends who loved her dearly," Dumbledore smiled at him a bit, "let's have a moment of silence for Luna Lovegood who always lived and loved life to the fullest."

Ron didn't lower his head and close his eyes. He glanced around. Everyone else had their heads down. Even the Slytherns obeyed. Ron wanted to scream. He wanted to curse everyone. None of them had the right to bow or give a moment of silence. None of them understood. Ron gripped Hermione's hand tighter at his frustration. Hermione held it back just as tightly.

Ron no longer wanted to eat. All appetite went away. After their "moment of silence" and the rest of the announcements, everyone ate and talked as if nothing happened. It only made him feel sicker. "I'm going for some air," Ron whispered to Hermione. She nodded and let his hand go. Ron felt a rush of gratitude for she didn't ask to come with him.

Ron knew he couldn't go too far. He didn't care. He just wanted to get out of the school and away from everyone's sorry and stories about how great Luna was. He stopped at a tree and collapsed to the ground. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.

"Couldn't take it either, huh?" someone asked.

Ron almost jumped out of his skin. He turned around and saw Ginny sitting about two feet away from him. Her head was bent and her hair hid her face. She looked up and sniffed. Even in the dark he could tell her eyes were red and swollen from tears.

"I just didn't want to hear the bullshit," Ron spoke truthfully.

Ginny nodded and moved closer to him. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Ron could see her face better. She was pale and her eyes were swollen. Ron's didn't know what to do. Ginny gazed at him. She was searching his eyes. Ron put up his wall. He didn't want her to see him. "I didn't know they were going to do that," Ron said looking away.

"I didn't either. I don't know why now that I think about it," Ginny said wiping her nose. "They always do when someone dies." Ron closed his eyes at her words. "It just makes it feel real now. Hearing Dumbledore and seeing the banners really makes this real. Luna is dead."

"I know that," Ron spat. He turned back to Ginny.

New tears clouded her eyes. "Ron, I'm hurting too. Luna was my best friend. I wanted you to get with her in the first place."

"And what power does that give you? Does that mean you know what I feel now?" Ron asked loudly.

Ginny licked her lips. "No, but it means I care. I'm your sister. I love you Ron. I love you so much and I wish you would help me get through this. I miss her too."

Her words cut Ron open. He didn't know what to say. He and Ginny had always been close. He always comforted her. Now, he didn't want to. He didn't remember how. "I'm not the right person for that," he whispered.

Ginny laughed harshly and hit the ground. "And why is that? Are you above me? Is my pain not good enough for you to care about?!"

Ron stood up and pulled at his hair. "Sod off Ginny! Stop making this about you! I'm so bloody tired of you, Harry, mum, dad, and every other fucker here making my pain about themselves! I know you cared about Luna. I know you loved her, okay? I was there! I know how close you two were! She talked about you all the time. She adored you! I'm sorry I can't hold you tell you everything will be okay. I can't do that. It's a lie! Everything will not be okay!" Ron's voice was shaky. He felt tears in his eyes.

Before Ginny could see them fall, he ran away from her. Though pain and sadness surged through his body, Ron's stomach grumbled once more. He was hungry. He felt guilty for being hungry. With all that was going on, the last thing on his mind should have been food, but he couldn't help it.

He didn't want to go back to the Great Hall. He went the Gryffindor portrait opening instead and waited for someone to come with the password.

Someone was shaking him. Ron opened his eyes surprised that he had fallen asleep. Hermione was standing in front of him with a napkin.

"I brought you something. The hall will be let out in about twenty minutes and I thought you should eat before bed," she explained.

Ron took the napkin. Inside held a chicken leg and a sandwich. Ron ate in silence. Hermione sat next to him and said nothing. The quietness was peaceful. When he was done, he wiped his mouth with the napkin and put it in his pocket.

"Better?" Hermione asked.

Ron nodded, "Yes, thank you so much." Hermione smiled and Ron really examined it. Her smile was beautiful. It wasn't like Luna's. Luna's smile made her eye's ten times their size and it was always a bit dreamy and curious. Hermione's smile was smaller but there was warmness and understanding behind it that Ron craved.

"I'm here Ron. I know I'm Head Girl and I have to do a ton of work this year, but you come first...always. Remember that, anytime you're ready, okay?" Hermione said while touching his hand.

Ron hated being touched but it didn't sting so much when she touched him. "Okay," he breathed. Before he could stop her, Hermione pulled him into a hug. Ron didn't want to hug her back but he did. He took in her scent of cinnamon. He hated how comforted it make him feel. He pulled away.

Hermione smiled once more and stood up. "The password is Rusalki by the way." Ron watched her leave with the familiar feeling again.

By the time Ron was changed for bed, Neville, Dean, and Seamus came in. Whatever conversation they had immediately died when they entered the room saw Ron. Ron said nothing. He finished putting his shirt on and climbed into bed. He looked at Harry's vacant bed. He felt a bit weird going to sleep without him. The two of them had always roomed together in every occasion since he was eleven. He wanted to see him before going to sleep, but decided against it.

Ron could feel them staring at him. He looked up to confirm. Neville looked away and pretended to fold socks. Dean was the first to break the silence. "Sorry, mate, about Luna."

"Thanks," Ron mumbled.

"Yeah," Seamus chimed in, "She was amazing. She really made people laugh."

"Yes…she did," Ron mumbled.

"Dumbledore said beautiful things about her. They were all true. We all really miss her," Neville told.

Ron felt his fingers automatically close into a fist. "Yeah, I bet everyone does." He didn't want to hear anymore. He closed his curtain and put a pillow over his head. He tried very hard to go to sleep but he couldn't. He could hear his roommates whispering about him and Luna.

All Ron wished for was a fire. He wished a fire would set off in his bed and he wished it would burn him along with the tears the scraped down his face.

* * *

Ah, what a happy chapter, lol. I really like this. I mean I really do. Once again this is Ron/Hermione. Just give it time. Ron won't be like this forever. I must say it's rather beautiful though…Anyway, please review! Thanks.

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	3. Talk

Thanks for the reviews!!

Ron waited until everyone was out of the room before getting ready. He tried his best to make his face not seem so pale or his eyes not so red but it was useless. He wanted to skip breakfast but his chicken leg and sandwich would not hold him over until lunch. He looked himself over in the mirror. His already small frame appeared even thinner. Ron knew he looked a bit sickly. He had to start eating regularly. With a heavy sigh, Ron adjusted his too short robes and made his way downstairs.

Once again he avoided the Ravenclaw table. When he got to the Gryffindor table, everyone looked up at him. Dean and Neville seemed to have been talking about him because they were the first ones to look away from him.

Hermione moved her bag. "Here, sit down." Ron sat down next to her and made his plate.

"So, I think I will have tryouts on the following Saturday. I hope that's enough time for everyone," Harry said.

Ron smiled a bit. Harry took his job as captain very seriously. "Well, I doubt you'll have to replace anyone. It will still be Ginny, me, Dean and Seamus. Unless you want to get rid of us that is." Harry gazed at him in disbelief. "What?" Ron asked.

Harry blushed a bit and gave Ginny a quick glance. "Oh nothing it's just…you're going to be there?"

Ron blinked several times. "Well, of course I'm going to be there. Why wouldn't I?" Harry opened his mouth but quickly closed it. It finally dawned on him. "Oh, I guess people also think I'm too fragile to play quidditch."

Ginny gave him a look. "It's not like that Ron. We just thought you would have other thing to-"

"What? Occupy my time? I sure as bloody hell can't think of anything. Look, my brain isn't fried and my limbs work. I love quidditch just as much as any of you," Ron spat. He was surprising himself. He hadn't talked this much in a while.

Harry shrugged, "Well, of course I want you to play. You're a great keeper. I just thought that you would need some time."

Ron snorted. "Why? You didn't ask for time after Sirius. You weren't told you were too weak to continue after losing both your parents. How is my situation any different?" Harry frowned a bit and looked away.

"Ron, that's not fair," Hermione breathed.

Ron gazed at her and shook his head. "No, this isn't fair. If you think keeping me from quidditch is supposed to heal me then forget it. Taking this away from me only makes it worse." He didn't give anyone time to respond. He got up from the table and once again left hungry.

His day didn't get any better. He had to sit by Harry during History of Magic. Ron wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell him how he didn't mean to hurt him once again but he couldn't. Ron didn't understand why it was so hard for him to express himself to Harry.

In Potions, people kept looking at him. He had the class with Ravenclaws. It seemed like everyone had come up to him and said sorry or how beautiful of a person Luna was. Even people he never talked to smiled and offered sympathy. All Ron could do was nod and say thank you. By lunch, he was done with school all together.

He sat at the lunch table and furiously ate. No one talked to him probably in fear that he would explode again. Someone tapped his shoulder. To his horror he saw Melony Gibs. Looking at her made him hurt more. She reminded him so much of Luna. She was a 6th year like Luna would have been. She was small like her too. Her hair was short and black and her skin was pale. She wasn't as mystical as Luna but her presence gave Ron the same feeling of easiness. He hated her around him but didn't want her to leave.

"Hey, Ron," Melony said.

Ron's throat felt dry. He used to easily be able to talk to her. When he didn't have Ginny, he asked Melony for advice about Luna or about what kind of gift she would want. "Hi," he croaked.

Melony didn't smile. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you and I wanted to see how you're doing?"

"I'm fine," Ron said automatically.

Melony's frown grew. "Really? Well...I'm not. I was hoping we could talk."

"I have nothing to say," Ron breathed.

Melony looked close to tears. "I've seen you around these past few days. I know you have a lot to say."

Ron didn't know what to do. Her bold honestly was just like Luna's. Everything about Melony reminded him of Luna and he began to panic. "Please, go away." He didn't realize he had said it out loud. Melony bit her lip and nodded. She turned from him and walked away without another word.

"You are the words biggest git!" Ginny groaned. Ron didn't look at her. "Ron, look at me," she warned.

Ron turned to her. Ginny's eyes were wet and livid. "How could you have been so mean? She was trying to reach out to you! You two were friends a couple of months ago!"

"Ginny, don't yell," Hermione breathed.

Ginny ignored her. "No, I'm tired of this. All summer you've done nothing but shove off and stay quiet. You can't keep treating people like this!" she said a bit hysterical.

"What do you want me to do?" Ron asked quietly.

"Talk to someone," Harry offered.

"And say what? What is there to say?" Ron asked. No one had an answer. "You see, I told you."

Ginny peered at him in disgust. "I hate you." The words were dry. They were soft but fierce. They cut through Ron's chest and hit him right in the heart.

Ginny was staring at him. Her brown eyes were dull and darker than he had ever seen them. "I hate me too," Ron wheezed. He felt tears sting his eyes. He got up and left the hall. He didn't stop walking until he was outside. He walked until his legs gave out. He collapsed on the grass and hit his thighs. He didn't leave his spot all day.

He looked at his watch. He was sure classes were finished for the day. He wanted to go to his room but he didn't want to run into anyone. Ron decided to stay outside until dinner. He heard footsteps behind him. Ron turned around and was relieved to see Hermione. "Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah," Ron answered.

Hermione took a spot next to him. She peered off toward the lake. Ron snuck a glance at her. Her face was flushed with color and her eyes seemed so heavy with thought. He wanted to ask how her day went. He hoped things had been okay for her. He just didn't know how to start.

"Everyone is really worried about you," Hermione said.

"I bet they are," Ron breathed. "I know Harry has probably written to mum about me."

"He cares about you a lot, Ron," she spat. Ron felt awful. He hated her being angry with him. Her pain had always effected him greatly and he didn't know why.

"I know," Ron breathed.

"Ginny cares about you too. She needs a big brother and you're not there. She's scared she's going to lose you," Hermione told.

Ron nodded. "What about you? What do you think?"

Hermione looked at him. Ron liked her eyes. They were deep and so chocolate. They didn't remind him of anything and he loved it. "I'm worried too. I want to talk and help you but I know you don't. I…miss you. I miss how we all used to be."

Ron picked up a stick and broke it into pieces. "Me too. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so…disconnected. It's like I don't even belong here. It's like I don't know anything or anyone."

"You know me," Hermione tried.

Ron sighed, "I know I do." She was staring at him. He found it very hard to put up his wall. It was like she had a power over him that he couldn't control. He turned away from her. "Can we not talk anymore? Can we just sit here?"

"Of course we can, but only for awhile. You are coming to dinner. You're not eating at all and it's really starting to show," Hermione said honestly.

Ron nodded and lay back against the tree. He stared off into the sky. He felt Hermione touch his hand. Ron laced his into hers and they gently rubbed each others fingers.

* * *

Later, at dinner, Ron tried to eat. He was incredibly hungry but it was difficult. Harry and Ginny both looked out of sorts. He wanted to say something. He had too. He felt Hermione touch his knee. It was only for a second but it was all he needed. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for how I've been."

Harry looked up first. "I'm not mad at you Ron. I just," Harry looked around, "can we all take this to my room?"

Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny quickly finished eating and headed to Harry's room. Ron was extremely impressed. The room was large. It had a full sized bed and side tables and a desk. Ron leaned against the wall. Harry and Ginny sat on the bed. Hermione sat at the desk.

Harry ran a hand through his jet black hair. "Ron, I'm not mad at you. Believe it or not, I understand a bit of what you're feeling. I don't need you to cry on my shoulder. I just want you to talk to me. We haven't talked all summer."

"I don't have anything to say anymore," Ron said. He caught Ginny rolling her eyes. "I mean it. I have nothing to say. I try to think of something and nothing comes up."

"Ron, you can't keep us out. We've always been there for each other. Now is no different," Hermione added.

"This is rubbish. I'm not going to sit here and baby you. I hate what you are right now. I hate how you're treating everyone. I hate how you're treating me." Ginny's eyes were fogging with tears.

"I'm sorry," Ron whispered. "I love you Ginny. I'm just…I don't know what I am. I'll try okay? I don't know what I'm supposed to do to get better, but I'll try. It's just not me though. You lot need to stop this game."

"What game is that?" Harry asked.

Ron shrugged. "I'm not crippled and I'm not stupid. I know you talk about me behind my back. Stop acting like I'm going to break. Harry, I can play. I want to play quidditch. If you want to help me out let me play."

Harry smiled a bit. "Okay. Ron, of course you can play."

"Thank you. I promise that I'll do better at talking. Just don't expect too much," Ron breathed.

"Only when you're ready Ron," Hermione said smiling. Ron tried his best to return it.

Harry glanced at his watch and frowned. "Hermione, we have to go."

"Why?" Ginny asked.

"Patrolling," Hermione said. Ron looked at her. For the past two years, she had always taken her job as Prefect with pride. He couldn't help but notice her slight annoyance at being Head Girl.

While Hermione and Harry left for patrolling, Ron and Ginny walked to their rooms. Ginny stopped him on the staircase. "I don't hate you."

"I know you don't," Ron said.

"You shouldn't hate yourself," she pressed.

"I do," Ron whispered honestly.

Ginny bit his lip and shook her head. "I was just really mad. I hate how you're acting. People need you even if you don't need anyone." She reached up and hugged him. Ron hugged her back. She stung his body. Ginny was small like Luna and her long hair brushed against his knuckles just like Luna's did when they hugged. Ron pulled away. He couldn't take it anymore. "Goodnight," she breathed.

"Night," Ron said. She turned from him and walked up to her room. Ron barely made it to his. He didn't bother changing. He took off his robe and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

He turned and looked at him clock. It was after one in the morning. Every time he closed his eyes a nightmare came to him. Ron was scared to be alone. The noises and memories were becoming too loud and realistic in his mind. He dragged himself out of bed and quietly left the room.

He wasn't sure where his feet were taking him. Ron didn't realize where he had gone. He barely had a connection to his hand when he knocked quietly on the door. It only took a second before it opened.

"Ron? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked.

Ron didn't know what to say. He didn't know why he was there. All he knew was that Hermione just made his memories fade. She didn't make him remember and he hurt less when it was just the two of them. Ever since he could remember, Hermione had always been able to make him feel better. He didn't say any of this, of course. Ron simply shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." Hermione leaned against the door and stared at him. "I know it's too late. I'll just-"

"No, it's fine. You can come in," Hermione said opening the door wider. Ron nodded and walked in. He lit his wand so Hermione could put the lights back on. He finally got to look at her.

She had on a t-shirt and very short blue shorts. Her bare legs were lean and looked awfully smooth. Hermione's hair was messy in a way he had never seen before and he was pretty sure she wasn't wearing a bra under her snug white shirt. Ron mentally shook himself and sat on the floor against her bed. There was no way he could sit next to her on the bed with her body exposed the way it was.

Hermione didn't seem to care. She sat next to him on the floor. "I'm sorry I woke you," Ron said while avoiding her eyes. He couldn't lie to himself. Hermione looked incredibly sexy so untidy and uncovered.

"It's okay. What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

Ron had to look at her. Her face was pale but her eyes were as warm and bright as ever. "I had…nightmares," Ron said truthfully.

Hermione bit her lip slowly and Ron looked away again. He liked her doing that and he hated himself for liking it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ron shook his head. "It's been a long fucking day and I'm tired. I'm so tired but I'm too afraid to go to sleep."

"We can just sit here," Hermione offered.

"Please," Ron mumbled.

Hermione lit her wand and got up. Ron cursed his eyes for watching her bend. She extinguished the lights. "What are you doing?" Ron asked alarmed.

Hermione chuckled a bit. "Don't panic. There's no reason for us to sit here with all the lights on. Besides, it's better in the dark. It helps clear the mind."

Ron lit his own wand and sat it next to him. Hermione was right. He did feel a bit better in the darkness. He pulled his wall down and let his pain run through him. He felt exhausted tears leave his eyes. He didn't stop them from running down nor did he wipe them away. He felt Hermione's hand once more and he laced his fingers into hers.

He felt the pain but he also felt better.

* * *

Yes, we are inching and inching to...something, lol. Review please and find out what happened next!!

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	4. Careful Where You Stand

Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Ron tried his best to live up to his end of the deal. He ate regularly and he tried talking more. However, it was easier said than done. Nothing had really changed expect for the fact that he attended meals and all his classes.

It was September nineteenth and the first Hogsmeade visit was that evening. Everyone seemed excited about it except Ron. He didn't have a lot of money and he didn't feel like going anyway.

"Mails here," Harry said as the dozens of owls flew into the Great Hall. Errol barely made it to their table. Ron detached the letters from his beak and gave him a light stroke before sending him off again. He passed notes to Ginny and Harry. Ron rolled his eyes at a certain envelope. It was from his mother. She was making the annoying habit of writing him every week asking about how he was doing. She had never done it before. He didn't know if it was supposed to make him feel loved or pathetic that his mother only started to care about his well being after his girlfriend's death.

He put the letter down and instead looked at "The Daily Prophet". His eyes immediately grew. On the front page in large, bold letter read "_Death Eater Walter Rapil Captured_!"

"Who is Walter Rapil?" Seamus asked.

Ron looked up from the paper. Seamus too was reading "The Daily Prophet". "He's one of the death eaters who…attacked at Luna's house."

Seamus's face instantly flushed with color. He practically slammed the paper on the table and shook his head. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was…shite Ron…I." He shut his mouth and bit his lip.

Ron felt a wave of annoyance but he held his feelings back. "I don't why you're apologizing to me. I don't care if you know his name or not. I think he would be the one offended."

Seamus smiled a bit and nodded. Ron gazed back at the paper. Steaming anger boiled his blood. He was staring at one of the bastards who killed Luna. He knew Walter's fate was in Azkaban, but he felt life in prison was not enough.

"Ron, are you alright?" Harry asked.

Ron blinked several times and looked up at him. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just…never mind."

Harry sighed and looked as if he was going to speak again but Hermione walked up to the table. "Hey, there's the birthday girl," he said instead.

Hermione beamed and gave a small curtsy. "Yes, I'm finally eighteen."

She sat next to Ron and grabbed toast from the plate. He felt his insides cool down. "Happy birthday," he breathed.

"Thank you," she replied. Ron smiled. After the first night he spent in her room, the two of them had been on better speaking terms. Ron didn't open himself up to her too much but he went down to her room sometimes to sit.

"What are you going to do today?" Ginny asked from across the table.

Hermione shrugged, "I don't know. I spent half the night working on the O.W.L draft plans with McGonagall. I'm pretty tired but I want to go to Hogsmeade for a bit."

"Well, I'm excited. There's this new coffee shop that's supposed to be really romantic and I want to take Ginny," Harry said. He ran a hand through her hair and kissed her lightly. Ron felt a pang in his heart. He glanced at Hermione and was positive she didn't look that happy either.

Ron hated his history class. It was incredibly boring and seemed to drag on forever. He was twirling his wand between his fingers with his eyes on the ceiling. Harry poked him in the ribs and slid a note over to him. Ron frowned a bit but read it. _"Are you going to Hogsmeade with Hermione?"_

Ron rubbed his neck and wrote back. _"I hadn't planned on it, why?"_

Harry sighed as he scribbled but Ron detected a small smirk on his lips. _"I think you should. It would be a nice present."_

"I already got her something," Ron said out loud.

Harry glanced at the professor and whispered, "No, you didn't."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Yes, I did."

"When did you have time to shop?" Harry asked.

Ron opened his mouth but didn't know what to say. He didn't want to explain it to him. "That doesn't matter. What is this about?"

Harry smiled. "Well, I think it would be great. It's her birthday, and she shouldn't go alone."

"Aren't you and Gin going?" Ron questioned.

Harry's face turned a bit red. "Well, yes, but…we aren't staying long. I've been so busy with organizing quidditch and with all the Head Boy duties that I haven't been able to…um-"

"Shag my sister properly?" Ron offered.

Harry appeared terrified for a whole minute before realizing that Ron was not upset. "Actually...that's exactly right."

Ron grinned a bit and sighed. "I guess I could go...for a fee."

"What do you want?" Harry asked nervously.

"Be careful alright? Ginny is only sixteen," Ron breathed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Please, as much as you and Luna…," his voice trailed off. Harry shook his head slightly and looked away. Ron bit his lip and looked away as well. They didn't talk to each other for the rest of class.

Ron was pleased that classes were done for the day but he wasn't looking forward to spending time with Hermione. It wasn't because he didn't want to be with her. He just didn't want to go to Hogsmeade. People still came up to him with their regards and Ron didn't need any more reminders of what was already eating away at him.

However, he promised Harry and with a heavy sigh, he knocked on her door. He fumbled with the item in his jeans pocket and waited. Hermione opened the door and Ron once again cursed his eyes. She wore a white skirt that went to her knees and a snug fitting green shirt. Her hair was down and appeared a bit straighter than usual. She looked amazing.

"What are you doing here? Is everything alright?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, um, everything is okay. I just…thought I could go with you on the visit," Ron mumbled.

Hermione's eyes grew. "Really?" she asked a bit out of breath. Ron nodded stupidly. Hermione smiled. "That would be great, Ron. Let me get my purse."

They walked in silence around the village. Ron wanted to say something. He wanted to act better because it was her birthday but it was difficult. He missed Luna. He wanted to walk around the village with her and take her to the new coffee shop. He wanted everything but would never have it. Too much was running through his mind. He kept thinking about the newspaper heading and what he and Harry had talked about.

"Ron," Hermione breathed. He jumped a bit and stopped walking. He looked at her. She was frowning and had a distant look in her eyes. "We can go back."

Ron wanted to hit himself. It was her birthday and he was acting like a prick. He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry I'm like this. It's just a little…off being here." Hermione's frown grew. "But it's okay. I want to be here with you. You're the only person I would come here with. I'm sorry…look, lets go to The Three Broomsticks."

Hermione's expression changed a bit. "Okay," she whispered.

Hermione saved them a table while Ron got butter beers. "Here we are," Ron said. He sat on the other side of her and sipped his drink.

"Cheers," Hermione said.

They drank in silence for a bit. Ron cleared his throat. "So, how's being Head Girl?"

Hermione put her mug down. "It's great."

Ron gave her a look. "You're just as good at keeping stuff from me as I am with you. Now, how is it really?"

Hermione blushed and bit her lip. Ron cursed himself once more for liking it. "Well, it's okay. I just don't have my heart in it like I thought I would. It's almost anticlimactic. I worked so hard for it and it's like the journey was better than the destination. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Ron noticed the disappointment in her voice. "I don't think it's you. The look on your face when you first found out tells it all. I reckon I have a lot to do with it."

Hermione shook her head. "No, it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. Everyone is supposed to be having a great time but I make them worry. You should be focusing on your duties and instead you're up with me staring off. It's not right." Ron couldn't keep himself from talking. Hermione made him want to speak. She made him express himself without having to do a thing.

Hermione reached across the table and took him hand. She rubbed it softly with her thumb. Ron didn't want his body to react but it did. Goose bumps pricked all over him. "Ron, I'm not mad at you. Of course I'm going to worry. I'm Hermione; that's what I do." Ron chuckled a bit. Hermione smiled and continued. "I'm not sorry that you come by at night either. I…like it."

Ron felt his heart skip several beats. Heat rose on his back. Hermione was staring at him with a gorgeous smile on her lush lips and her thumb was still rubbing his skin. It felt incredible yet so scary at the same time. He pulled his hand away. "I think I'm ready to go back now," he said sharply.

Hermione's smile vanished. She looked down and nodded.

When they got back to Hogwarts, Ron wanted to go straight to bed but Hermione insisted that they go to her room to talk. Ron sat on the floor and played with a loose string on his t-shirt hem. Hermione sat next to him. "We can sit on my bed," Hermione offered.

He could feel the blush on his cheeks. He hated being a redhead. "Oh…I like the floor," he mumbled. Hermione chuckled a bit and rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm not a good friend to you." Ron was thinking it but he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

Hermione looked taken aback. "You're not a bad friend. You're the best. You're my best friend, Ron. If anything, I haven't done my job very well."

Ron frowned at her. "Why would you think that? You're great. You always have been."

"Not lately. Not for the past few months. I know I haven't-"

"Stop it!" Ron demanded. He felt anger again. The last person he needed to hear the line from was Hermione. "Please, don't be like everyone else. Don't make what's going on with me your fault. You all have no idea how bad it makes me feel. The way I am and how I feel has nothing to do with you."

Tears swelled her eyes. "That's just it Ron. How you feel should be have something to do with me. I'm supposed to make you feel better," Hermione choked.

Ron didn't know what to do or say. "It's not your job to make me better."

Hermione gawked at him. "Ron, of course it is. It has been for the past seven years. I know you lost sight of that when you-"

"What?" Ron asked.

Hermione shook her head and wiped her eyes. "It doesn't matter now. I don't want to fight. I don't want to be upset with you on my eighteenth birthday."

All Ron's anger instantly vanished. He was making her hurt and he had to do something to make it right. Then, it dawned on him. "You're right. It is your birthday." He pulled the box out of his jeans pocket and handed it to her.

Hermione examined it. "What is this?"

"Your birthday gift," Ron breathed.

Hermione smiled a bit and opened the box. She pulled out the silver necklace. It had a small charm on the end. It was her initials _HJG_ in silver sparkly letters. Ron held his breath. Hermione ran her finger over the letters. "I know it's not much but-"

"This is beautiful, Ron," she breathed.

A wave of relief came over him. "Really? You like it?"

Hermione looked up at him. "This is so lovely. I never get stuff like this. I always get books, organizers, and things like that."

Ron beamed. He felt tears in his eyes. "That's why Luna said you would like it. I showed it to her before buying it in Hogsmeade last year. She said you'd like it because it's out of the ordinary and yet so necessary for you."

Hermione laughed at the explanation. "Wow, only Luna would say something like that. She was right though." Ron stared at Hermione and the necklace. So much history and so many memories were in her hands. "Help me put it on," Hermione breathed.

Ron rubbed his neck. "Um, alright." Hermione grinned and turned around. She handed him the necklace and pulled her hair back to one side.

Ron licked his lips and with difficulty unsnapped the necklace. He reached around her body to connect it. He felt her warm breath on his skin and it made him sweat. His fingers fumbled with the lock. His hands were too big and the chain was too small. He finally managed to connect it. His fingers brushed across her neck and he felt Hermione shiver. It only made him hotter.

"Done," he said almost out of breath. Hermione stood up and peered in her mirror.

"This is so beautiful Ron. I'll wear it always," she said.

Ron got up and smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

Hermione walked over to him. She ran her hand across his forehead. "You're sweating."

Ron felt his blush return. "It's the red hair. I get hot easily."

"You're so cheeky," Hermione whispered before hugging him. Ron was caught off guard but hugged her back.

He couldn't help but notice the contrast. Hermione was a lot taller and a lot bigger than Luna. He gazed into the mirror. They looked less awkward holding each other. She wasn't lost in his long limbs and her hair didn't brush against his knuckles. She was just tall enough to almost rest her head on his shoulder. Everything about him and Luna had been big and small but he and Hermione were like puzzle pieces that always seemed to fit together perfectly. He didn't know if he liked it, but he definitely didn't pull away.

Hermione was the first to let go. "Thank you for coming with me."

"I know it wasn't that great," Ron said.

She smiled again. "You never give yourself enough credit. I enjoy spending time with you. I love you, Ron."

Ron returned her smile. Every time Hermione said she loved him, it made his insides heat up. It had been that way since he was eleven. He opened his mouth to answer but quickly closed it. At that moment, he realized that he couldn't say it back. Yes, he had said it to her many times before, but this was different. There was something about the way she was staring at him and the way her warmth practically radiated from her body that made him uneasy. Ron felt that if he looked her in the eyes and told her he loved her, the meaning would be different for him and he wasn't ready to feel what it really was.

"I…better go," he whispered instead. Hermione's smile disappeared. Ron didn't give her time to do anything about it. He left without another word.

So much was happening to him. So much always happened when he was with Hermione. It was becoming less and less straightforward. During the summer holiday, she made him feel nothing and he loved it. Now, every time he was in her presence a million thoughts and emotions came. He didn't know if he hated it but the feelings were familiar to him and a part of him definitely wanted it.

When he got to his room, he was surprised to see Harry inside. He, Seamus, Dean and Neville were laughing about something.

"Ron, have a good time?" Dean asked.

Ron frowned and walked to his bed which Harry was sitting on. He had an amused expression on his face. "Well, answer the man," Seamus demanded from Dean's bed. Neville leaned against Ron's night table and chuckled.

"What did I miss," Ron asked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Where were you?"

"Hermione's room," Ron said truthfully.

"That's where we thought you were," Dean said.

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were mates," Harry said laughing.

Ron looked at each of them. Each had a grin from ear to ear. "What the hell is going on?"

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh, you don't have to pretend with us. We're all grown."

"Yeah, Seamus told me that you've been sneaking off to Hermione's room at night," Harry said.

Like lightening, it dawn on him. He understood what was going on and why Harry had asked him to spend the day with Hermione. "Oh...no. There's no way you think that-"

"What I want to know is, how long has this been going on?" Seamus asked.

Annoyance hit him again. "Nothing has been going on, I swear."

"Ron, you don't have to lie-"

"I'm not lying," Ron pressed.

"So, you haven't been going to her room?" Neville asked.

"No, I've been going but it's definitely not for the reason you think. Wait, how do you know that's where I've been," Ron asked.

Seamus shrugged. "Why else would you leave the room at night so uptight and come back a few hours later all relaxed?"

Ron frowned at him. "We don't do anything. In fact, that's why I go. We just sit there."

"Ron, it's okay," Harry said touching his arm.

Ron pulled away. "No, it's not. I'm not doing anything with Hermione, and it's terrible that you think I would be."

Harry's smile instantly vanished. "Why?"

"I can't do anything with her. It's not right," Ron whispered with a frown.

Harry's expression was sympathetic. It was the expression he always gave when he has worried. "Oh, Ron don't tell me you think you can't be with anyone."

"Of course I can't," Ron said. The words made him feel cold but he tried his best to uphold them.

Harry glanced at the guys and then back to him. He licked his lips and gave a heavy sigh. "Ron, Luna's gone. You're not her boyfriend anymore and she's not your girlfriend. I'm sure she-"

Ron didn't know what happened next. All he knew was that something snapped. All the anger and emotion from the day finally erupted from his body. He punched Harry across the face and tackled him to the floor. Dean and Seamus tried pulling him off but it was almost as if he had obtained magical strength.

"Ron, let me go," Harry choked.

Ron had his hands on Harry's shoulders. "Don't you ever talk about Luna like that again! You don't know her and wouldn't have the slightest fucking idea what she would say!"

"I'm sorry, Ron. Please, get off me," Harry begged. "I don't want to fight."

Ron let Harry go and got off of him. Harry staggered to his feet and wiped the blood from his nose. "I didn't mean it."

"You have no right to talk to me like that. You have no right to accuse me of anything. None of you do!" Ron bellowed.

"Ron," Harry panted, "I'm sorry."

Ron breathed heavily. He had never hit Harry before and he never thought he would. He didn't know what to do or say. "Bugger off, all of you." He pushed past Harry and left the room.

He stayed in the bathroom until he was sure everyone in his room was asleep.

* * *

Ah, another nice happy ending, lol. I love all the drama and the moments between Ron/Hermione. Oh, they're so great... Review please and find out more!

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	5. Lost

Thanks for the reviews!!

Ron didn't know what to do with himself. Just as he thought things were halfway normal, he had to go and fuck it up. Harry wasn't really talking to him. Their fight really put a strain on their already crumbling friendship and worse was that Hermione seemed very hurt from their last encounter. The only thing that stopped Ron from dropping out was quidditch. Like promised, Harry kept him on the team.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry had the team out practicing. Ron was stretching his arms to get ready to fly around. Harry came over with his broom over his shoulder and a quaffle in his hand. "We need to work on your catching."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Harry, you don't have to baby me."

Harry didn't smile. "I'm not trying to. You played alright last year but you're a bit clumsy with your saves. You have to be perfect if you want to win the cup this year."

Ron felt himself blush. There was a dry tone to Harry's voice that let him know he wasn't over the punch. He didn't give Ron time to respond. He mounted his broom and went into the air. Ron gave a heavy sigh and followed him.

They met at the goal posts. Harry started about a foot in front of him. He threw the quaffle at him. Ron easily caught it and threw it back. Harry backed up and did it again, only this time harder. They did it again and again and Harry threw it harder and harder. He threw it so hard that it hit Ron in the stomach making him almost fall off his broom.

"Bloody hell Harry, what is your problem?" Ron breathed as he steadied himself again.

Harry shrugged. "I'm trying to prepare you. You think the Slytherns are going to go easy on you? Again, throw it to me."

Ron licked his lips and threw the quaffle back. Harry caught it and flew higher into the air. He came zooming toward him and threw it. Ron caught it with his face. He fell back a bit and hit one of the goal posts.

"Fuck! Okay, I' m sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I'm sorry," Ron yelled as tears of pain watered his eyes.

Harry bit his lip and flew to the ground. Ron flew down as well. Harry got off his broom and sat in the grass. He kept his eyes on the ground. Ron sat next to him and stared. He felt so terrible. Harry was his best friend.

"What did I do wrong?" Harry whispered.

Ron shook his head. "Nothing."

"Why then? Why are you treating me like this? I know you're hurting-"

"Don't," Ron interrupted.

Harry gazed at him. "Don't what? Why are you acting as if I don't understand loss or pain? You think I was just okay when Sirius died? Ron, I know more than anyone what it's like to lose everything to evil. My fucking parents were murdered. My godfather was murdered. I can help you through this."

Ron didn't know what to say. He knew Harry was right. Ron should have easily been able to open up to him and share his pain but he couldn't. Ron didn't feel like he could talk to anyone. Everything was too heavy and too personal. "I'm sorry," he breathed after some time.

Harry shook his head and frowned. "No, that's not good enough. I know you loved her Ron, but I didn't think she would be worth our friendship."

"What are you saying?" Ron whispered as Harry stood up.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and licked his lips. "I'm saying that I'm done with this, Ron. You're right; I'm not going to baby you anymore. I'm here when you're ready to talk but I'm not going to chase after you." He walked off toward the other end of the pitch before Ron could say another word.

After practice, Ron went to his now regular spot by the lake. He pulled at the grass and cursed himself. His world was falling apart. He hoped school would be easier. He was sure the constant distractions would take his mind off of everything, but it was proving to only fuel his thoughts. Ron rubbed his eyes and breathed deeply. He was so tired. He was tired of making everything worse. He needed something. He needed someone. Ron stood up and headed back into the school.

He went to Hermione's room and knocked on the door several times. She didn't answer. Ron quickly glanced at his watch. He assumed that she was probably working or in the library. He leaned against her door and waited.

He felt someone kicking his leg. Ron jumped and looked up. Hermione was standing over him with a frown on her face. "How long have you been here?"

Ron checked his watch. "About two hours I guess."

She didn't seem flattered by it. "So, what do you want?"

Ron stood up. "You." He noticed her face turn slightly pink. His face felt a bit toasty as well. "I mean that I want to talk to you."

Hermione shifted her weight on each foot. "Well, I really don't have anything to say." She moved past him and unlocked her door.

Ron didn't know what was happening. He grabbed her arm and followed her inside. "Wait, please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the way I acted."

Hermione gave him a look and sat on the bed. "I wasn't trying to push anything on you. I was just thanking you and tell you the truth."

"I know. I panicked," Ron tried. He closed the door behind him and slowly walked over to her bed. He reluctantly sat down.

Hermione gave him a look and sighed. "It really hurt Ron. You hurt me so badly sometimes."

Ron peered into her eyes. They were so chocolate and beautiful but so full of pain. He couldn't believe that he was making her feel so awful. "I'm sorry, okay? The last thing I would ever want is to hurt you. I know that I'm making everyone's life hell. I know I'm a shitty person but I honestly don't know what to do with myself."

Ron ran a hand through his hair. He didn't want to speak but he had to. "I panic every time I'm reminded of her. I can't stand being near anyone. I hate feeling but I fucking feel the world every second of the day. Shit is always going through my mind. My parent's and brothers won't stop writing me. Ginny won't stop being disappointed in me. Harry blames himself and…you're hurting. Dammit, I can almost deal with all the other shit but not that. I'm sorry. Please, whatever you want me to do I'll do. I swear to bloody Christ I will. Just don't be mad at me. I hate myself enough. Please, don't hate me too." The words bled out of him. It felt so good to get them out but it was also terrifying.

Tears were coming out of his eyes. He was shaking. Hermione wrapped her arms around his shoulders and Ron buried his head against her neck. She smelled like cinnamon. Just like when she held him at the hospital, and just like at the hospital, Ron felt extremely comfortable in her arms. The only difference this time was that he was not torn between loving it and hating it. He simply needed it.

"Oh, Ron I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I just wish you wouldn't be like this with me. I really don't care if you don't want to talk to anyone else right away…but I do care with me. You're my best friend," Hermione breathed.

Ron pulled away a bit so that he could look at her. Thankfully, she wasn't crying. Her features were soft and she had a genuine smile on her face. Ron was mesmerized. "You're my best friend too and…I do love you." The words effortlessly came out of him but their meaning was not as simple. He felt a bit dizzy.

Hermione wiped his tear-soaked cheeks. "I love you too."

Ron sniffed loudly and engulfed the familiar haze he felt by her words. "I don't know what to do. I want to make things right. I don't even know myself anymore. I punched Harry."

Hermione looked taken aback. "What?"

He felt a blush on his cheeks. "He…was saying some jokes and I took them the wrong way. I lost it and I hit him. He's so mad at me now."

"Well, did you apologize?" Hermione asked.

"Of course, but I know it didn't do any good," Ron breathed.

Hermione sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "He's really worried about you. I've never seen his so worked up before. He was really hurt this past summer when you ignored him."

"I didn't mean to. I mean I did…but...it's rough talking with him. It's never been like this before. After…Luna died…it just got harder and harder to look at him. He…reminds me of her…and I hate it." The truth was bitter on his tongue. Ron felt ashamed.

Hermione put a hand to his cheek. It felt so icy against his burning face. "Ron, I know it's painful, but is it so horrible to be reminded of her?"

Ron thought about the statement. "I…dunno. It just hurts so badly. I miss her. I miss her so fucking much."

He could see something in Hermione's eyes. He couldn't exactly make it out but it wasn't anything cheerful. It was almost pained. "I know you do." The words were quiet and arid. She looked away and played with her hands. "I know how much you miss her. I see it every day. I try so hard to…help but it's useless."

Ron bit his lip. Hermione was no better off than he was. He didn't know what was wrong but he knew it was killing her. She was trapped in something too. "Hermione, it's not useless. You're the only person who helps."

She looked back at him. "I don't believe that."

Ron shook his head. "You have no idea how much you've helped me. I wouldn't have made it this far without you. You're the only person I ever want to be around."

A bit of color rose on her cheeks. "You don't come down here anymore."

"It's…complicated right now," he tried. "Don't think I don't need you. I do."

Hermione chewed on her lip. "I need you too, Ron. You're not the only person who has feelings inside them that they can't control."

Her words were so soft that he could barely hear her. "I'm sorry. Do…you want to talk about it?"

Hermione smiled a bit. "No, it's nothing new. It's not that important right now." Ron nodded. He wanted to say more but he couldn't think of anything. Her face suddenly turned very serious. "Please don't shut me out. I want us to be okay. You may not believe this, but I really like being around you. Ron, you make me feel…so good."

Ron's body felt extremely hot. His palms were sweaty and he shifted his legs uncomfortably. Hermione was staring at him unabashed. He couldn't keep her stare. He looked away. There was a knock on the door. It was like music to his ears.

Without thinking he got up and answered it. Harry was on the other side. They looked at each other. Ron detected a very small smile playing on Harry's lips. Ron rolled his eyes and moved out of the way so he could enter the room.

"Harry, what's up?" Hermione said at once. His smiled grew and Hermione blushed rather terribly. She didn't meet his eyes. Ron was sure there was a secret between them that he was unaware of. He felt both irritated and jealous by it.

"Oh, I just wanted to talk to you about something, but it can wait," Harry said.

"No, I need to go. I have some homework and I really need a shower." Ron ignored both their eyes and quickly left the room.

He ran into the nearest stall in the bathroom and slid down. He exhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair. So much was going through his mind and his body was scorching. Ron didn't know what was happening to him. He didn't know why things were affecting him so greatly. He banged his head against the stall door and rubbed his eyes. He had to get himself under control. His confession to Hermione helped. It was nice to get some of the pressure off his shoulders, but now there were new complications.

A grin formed on Ron's lips as he thought about what Hermione had said. _"Please don't shut me out. I want us to be okay_. _You may not believe this, but I really like being around you. Ron, you make me feel…so good." _

The phrase kept playing in his mind. His body only got hotter and sweatier. He was sure he was blowing things out of proportion, but there was something about the way she whispered it so slowly and the way she had stared at him so intently that made the phrase sound…almost sexual. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. A spike of pressure hit his lower regions.

Someone opened the door and walked into the stall next to him.

Ron quickly got out of his stall and went to the sink. When he saw his reflection, his smile faded. His brain finally realized what was happening and all pleasure abandoned him. He splashed cold water on his face and rubbed his eyes roughly. A look of disgust and guilt had grown on his features instead.

Later in bed, Ron tried not to think about phrase again but it was difficult. Once again, his efforts were ineffective. His body would not cool down and a certain body part would not _stay_ down. He had a simple solution to his rather _big_ problem, but he felt too guilty to release the growing pressure that was making his body ache.

"Oh my god, it's just Hermione," Ron whispered to himself. However, he knew as he closed his eyes and her face once again came into the mind with the phrase that Hermione was becoming less and less of just anything. However, the real horrifying part was that it wasn't the first time he's had to convince himself of it.

Holey…moley. Such confusion, sweet, lol. Review!

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	6. Square One

Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Fall swept over Hogwarts bringing in the chilled air and aromas that only autumn could bring. It was a beautiful time of year. The transition of colors and brightness was always something Ron admired about the season. It was soothing and calm. However, he didn't feel either at the moment. He was sitting outside with Hermione and Harry doing homework. At least, he was pretending to. Ron couldn't concentrate. There was too much going through his mind.

"Hey, are you alright?" Hermione asked.

"Fine," he answered without looking up at her.

"Well, you haven't turned a page in your book for almost ten minutes now," she said.

"Well, not all of us are speed readers or have the bloody book memorized already," Ron spat. There was silence. He looked up.

Hermione was staring at him with a frown on her face. "You don't have to get mad at me."

"I'm not mad. I just don't know why you have to look at me every five seconds. Can't you bug Harry for a while?" Ron asked.

A hurt expression covered her face. "Well, I didn't know I was bugging anyone. I guess I'll just go annoy someone else in the library." With that, she grabbed her books and left.

Ron rubbed his eyes and exhaled. Ever since Hermione's statement, things had become more and more intense. He never knew what to say or how to feel. "You know, I don't think making her upset is going to get you anywhere," Harry said after some time.

Ron looked to him. He was staring off toward the lake. "Where is it that I'm trying to get to Harry?"

Harry turned to him and shrugged. "I dunno. I don't want to give my opinion. I'll probably get hit." Ron was about to open his mouth but Harry smiled. "I'm kidding, Ron. I deserved it. I know it."

"No, I overreacted. I'm sorry," Ron said.

Harry nodded. "You know, I blame myself too."

"For what?" Ron asked.

Harry looked at him intently. "For Luna's death."

Ron gawked at him. "Why the hell would it be your fault?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "Well, we were at Sirius's house because of me. Everyone has been risking their lives for me. If we were at the Burrow, I bet Luna's dad would have let her stay over longer."

Ron shook his head. "No, Harry, it's not your fault. None of it is. You can't blame yourself for what those death eaters did."

"Why not? You do," harry said quietly.

Ron rubbed his neck. "That's different."

Harry gave him a look. "Ron, I think that's your problem. You think you're the only person in this but you're not. Luna was my friend. She was a really good friend of mine."

"I know, that's why it's so hard to be around you," Ron confessed. "You make me think of her."

"Ron, you're supposed to," Harry breathed.

"I know, but I'm not good at dealing with this shit. Things are so complicated now," Ron breathed.

"Like how?" Harry asked.

Ron looked at him and licked his lips. He didn't know how to start. "Hermione," was all he could think of.

A small smile played on Harry's lips. "Well, she's always been that way."

"No, I'm serious. That's why I got so mad at you when you talked about me and her. There is no me and Hermione," Ron said.

"Honestly, it doesn't seem that way sometimes," Harry said.

"I'm starting to realize that, and I don't like it," Ron said.

"Ron, she's your friend. She just wants to help. I don't know why you keep pushing her away. Does she remind you of Luna too?" Harry asked.

Ron exhaled deeply. "No, and that's the problem."

They stared at each other in silence for awhile. Harry was the first speak. "I have a feeling you two are seeing things in different lights. I think you should talk to her about what you want. All I can tell you is…you need to tell where things are."

Ron nodded, "I know I do. Thanks for talking to me Harry."

Harry shrugged, "We're still friends Ron. I told you I'd be here for you." Ron smiled and for the first time in a long time felt comfortable around his best mate.

Later, Ron walked into the library to find Hermione. It wasn't hard to spot her. She was alone at a table with half a shelf of books stacked around her. "Can I talk to you?" Ron asked.

Hermione looked up at him. Her brown eyes were not open and warm. "Why? I wouldn't want to bug you again."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Please, let's not do this. I really need to talk to you."

She sighed and stood up. "Alright, where do you want to go?"

"Let's just walk around the halls," Ron offered.

They passed through many empty corridors. They were silent. Ron didn't know how to begin. "I am really sorry about how I treated you earlier. I meant it when I said that I don't want you mad at me."

"I don't get mad. It's more hurt than anything else," Hermione said.

They continued to walk. "I don't mean to. I just…have a lot going on right now, and things are so different than how I thought they'd be."

Hermione stopped walking. She grabbed his arm. "I know Ron but-"

Ron pulled his arm away. "No, Hermione, you don't know. You have no idea what I feel."

She frowned at him. "Then help me to understand."

He sighed and licked his lips. "Hermione, ever since Luna died, you've helped me so much. I can't thank you enough for what you've done, but, this is getting too hard for me."

"What is?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Us," Ron breathed.

Hermione blinked several times. "What do you mean?"

Ron tried to ignore the slight apprehension in her voice. "Look, Luna is…was my girlfriend. I loved her very much."

Hermione rubbed her fingers together. "I know you did Ron."

"Good, I just…this isn't easy for me. When we're together I just…it becomes too much," Ron said.

"You don't like being around me? You told me that you did," Hermione said.

"I know I did but-"

"But what Ron? Just say whatever it is that you need to say," Hermione spat.

Ron took a breath. "I think we need to slow down a bit. I'm not ready for all this."

Hermione stared at him. For awhile it was blank but then suddenly, she smiled. In fact, she chuckled a bit. "Slow down, slow down? Slow down from what Ron? Where were we to begin with?"

"Hermione, you know what I mean. Me always coming to your room at night and…what you said," Ron tried.

Color flushed on her skin. "I was just being honest."

"Well, I…don't want that right now," he whispered.

A bit of moisture swelled Hermione eyes. "What…is that supposed to mean?"

Ron shook his head. "It's not just you. I'm getting too ahead of myself here."

"And as for me?" Hermione asked quietly.

He sighed, "Whatever you're looking for right now, I can't give it to you."

Hermione let a tear escape her eye. "Ron, all I've tried to do for months is be your friend. I know I can't look for anything else. You made that clear years ago." With that, she walked away from him. Ron looked after her until her figure was beyond the hall.

* * *

Ron didn't have much time to dwell on Hermione. Their first match of the season had arrived. It was Gryffindor against Slythern. Harry had them on the field for practice every second they weren't in class. It was a great escape for Ron.

He was putting his gloves on in the practice tent when Ginny came over. She smiled at him and he returned it.

"You ready for this?" she asked.

Ron chuckled a bit. "I don't think I have a choice. Besides, Harry will kill me if I'm not and can you hear to crowd?"

"Let's just go out there and wipe those smirks off their faces," Ginny said.

They team mounted their brooms and waited. Over the megaphone, Denise's voice boomed. At once, a rush of cold air hit Ron. It was laughable. He had almost forgotten that Luna would not be announcing the game. Someone touched his shoulder, looking up he saw Harry nod slightly at him.

"I'm okay," Ron whispered.

"Introducing the Gryffindor team we have Captain Harry Potter!" Denise roared.

Harry took a deep breath and flew out. Ron quickly shook his head and pulled himself together.

The game was fierce. Harry was right. Slythern was not cutting anyone slack. Ron tried his best to defend the hoops but it was a bit hard. Denise voice was echoing the stadium, not Luna's. For two years he heard her voice giving the play by plays. It was always so amusing and exciting when Luna announced. Last year was partially perfect. She would randomly say sports metaphors that only Ron understood. They were special codes for him. They made him laugh. They made him play better and boosted his confidence. It was all gone now.

Ron could barely hang on. He was distracted but determined. He would not let Harry down. He would not give everyone what they wanted. They were waiting for him to crack. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

In the end, Harry caught the snitch and ended the match 610 to 500. Ron didn't immediately run to the Common Room to celebrate. He wanted to shower. He wanted to be alone. On his way to the changing room, he ran into Draco Malfoy.

As usual, he gave him a sneer but he also had his hand out as if to shake. "Whatever this is, forget it. I'm too tired for your shit," Ron breathed walking past him.

"I bet you are tired. It must have been hard. Keeping your tears at bay," Draco called after him.

Ron turned back to him. "Excuse me?"

Draco walked up to him. "I mean, Denis announcing and not your lovely girlfriend. I'm proud of you Weasley."

Ron felt his hands shaking. "Fuck you Malfoy."

Draco chuckled, "I am sorry for your loss. The whole team is. We decided to throw the game for you."

"I'm sure you did. I definitely didn't see you try with all your might to get the snitch," Ron shot in.

Draco was unfazed, "Well, I still had to make it look like I was trying, we all did. Do you really think Hooch would have called the game in your favor if she knew we were trying to throw if because we felt sorry that you're dead girlfriend couldn't-"

Something snapped inside Ron once more. Before he knew it, he was on top of Draco digging his fist into his stomach and face. Bone hit his knuckles, blood slicked his skin. Draco kicked at him and got a hit in. Ron continued to punch. With all his might he kept punching.

He felt someone pulling him off Draco. Hagrid had him by the robes. "Mr. Weasley, Mr. Malfoy, this is no way to settle your grievances," McGonagall barked.

Ron gazed around. She, Hagrid, Harry, and a few members from both the Gryffindor and Slythern quidditch team were around. He felt blood on his upper lip. Draco had got him in the noise, but he was worst off. His face was covered in blood.

"Hagrid, please escort Mr. Malfoy to the infirmary and then straight to my office. Mr. Weasley, come with me."

Ron didn't say anything; he obeyed and followed McGonagall without saying a word to anyone. She didn't say a word either until they were inside her office and the door was closed. She crossed her arms as he took a seat in front of her desk. She took a seat behind it.

"Now, I don't see what that was about. For heaven sakes, you won," McGonagall said.

Ron shook his head and looked down. "It wasn't about the match…he…said some stuff that he shouldn't have."

"Mr. Weasley, I know Malfoy isn't the kindest boy but you could have really hurt him and-"

"He was making fun of Luna. He was saying stuff about her…being dead," Ron whispered.

There was a silence. "Mr. Weasley, look at me."

Ron obeyed. McGonagall's expression was softer, almost understanding. "I can see why that would upset you."

"Then let me go. No matter what, I would never say something like that to him. He has…no right and I had no choice," he explained.

She nodded, "Ron, I know this is really difficult for you. I know that not only as a teacher, but as a member of the order. It was unfortunate. What happened to the Lovegoods."

It was the first time Ron didn't want to roll his eyes or scream. McGonagall did not seem sympathetic or worried. She didn't say she was sorry either. She knew how terrible it was but she didn't remind Ron of it. He appreciated that more than anything. "However, it does not give you the right to hurt people. It's not just the fighting; your grades have been slipping."

"My grades always slip," Ron cut in.

"More than usual they have Mr. Weasley. Your parent's have written me. Have you thought about taking some time off?"

"No, and I don't want to. I'll be fine," Ron said.

She smiled a bit, "Good, you're a very strong young man. I think that if you put in a bit more effort in, you can make it."

Ron couldn't help but smile as well. "I hope so," he mumbled honestly.

McGonagall chuckled, "Well, you can start in detention."

"But I thought-"

"Fighting is still against school rules. Now, I'm going to go see about Mr. Malfoy. You wait here." With that, she got up and left.

Ron rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. He rubbed at the drying blood on his lip and closed his eyes. A memory came to him.

_**Flash back**_

_They were holding hands. Her tiny one was hidden in his big one. They walked and laughed about nothing until they reached the portrait leading to the Ravenclaw common room. Luna turned to him and smiled._

"_Well, I had a very fun time tonight trying to keep you awake long enough to go over homework," Luna said._

_Ron chuckled, "I don't know why you bother studying with me. You know tons more than I ever will."_

"_Well, I thought I'd try to be a good influence. Seeing is how I'm younger than you," Luna teased._

"_Please, people have been trying to influence me for years, there's no point. I'll just get help from Hermione," Ron reassured._

_Luna sighed, "By help you mean beg until she lets you copy a little of her paper."_

_Ron shrugged, "It's what I do."_

_Luna rolled her extremely big and wide silver eyes. "Hermione is too lovely for your own good."_

"_Please don't tell her that. She'll never let me forget it," Ron said. _

"_Well, what you need to do is get some sleep for the match tomorrow," Luna told while playing with his tie._

"_Oh, it's just Hufflepuff," Ron breathed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close._

_Luna rested her head on his chest and he ran his fingers down her long wavy hair. He loved how lengthy it was, but the ends tickled his knuckles and it made his skin sting._

"_Still, you, Harry, and Ginny have worked so hard, show it. I'll make sure to root for you all as much as possible without seeming bias," she said._

_Ron chuckled and looked down at her. "You are the best part of the match."_

"_I'm sure winning is a big part too," Luna said with a smile._

_Ron traced her small mouth. "You're so beautiful."_

"_Well, I'm only as great as the man holding me, so I guess that makes you pretty amazing," Luna added. Ron smiled again. She always made him smile. He couldn't take it anymore; he leaned down and kissed her. Luna kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Ron lifted her a bit. He put her back down and pulled away. _

_She was still smiling, "I love you."_

"_I love you too," Ron breathed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning,"_

"_Okay, night love," Luna said before going into the portrait hole. Ron watched her walk through and close the door._

_When he made it back to the Gryffindor common room, only Hermione was present. She was sitting on the rug with papers in front of her. Ron grinned and walked over to her._

"_Still working?" he teased sitting next to her._

_Hermione didn't look up but a smile formed on her lips. "Some of us don't have smart girlfriends to give us all the answers."_

_Ron laughed, "You read my mind. I need your help with the-"_

"_Forget it," Hermione breathed._

"_Oh, come on, you know you want to help me. Believe it or not I have most of it written; I just need you to look over it and tell me what to do for the ending," Ron explained._

_Hermione finally looked up at him. "So, what do I get?"_

_Ron stared at her. The light from the fire lit up her chocolate eyes. A curious look was on her face. "What do you want?" he asked._

_She bit her bottom lip slowly. Ron watched her. It was a habit of hers that he noticed when they were fourteen. It was very out of character for her and he liked it for that exact reason. "I don't know. A sworn statement saying you'll do your work for now on."_

_Ron laughed, "That will never happen."_

_Hermione rolled her eyes. "Okay, how about an amazing game tomorrow?"_

"_That, I can give you," Ron breathed._

_Hermione grinned, "Fine, I'll help you tomorrow, but now you have to sleep."_

"_What about you?" Ron asked._

"_I'm almost done. I just wanted to get this essay out of the way," she explained._

_Ron watched her rub her face and strain her eyes over her work. Ron had never met anyone so determined and hard working. Hermione was so unique in so many ways. "What are you staring at?" she asked._

_Ron shook his head. "Nothing, you're just…the most wonderful person I've ever met."_

_Hermione snorted, "You seem to only think that way after I agree to help you cheat."_

_Ron shook his head and felt a bit hurt. "No, no, that's not true. I always think that."_

_Hermione stared at him, "Well, you shouldn't let Luna know that."_

_Ron shrugged, "She knows, it's one of the reasons she likes you so much."_

_There was something in Hermione's expression that he couldn't read. She smiled anyway. "Well, I like her too, and you. You're not so bad, even if you're a procrastinator."_

_Ron gave her a slight nudge." Oh, you know you love me."_

_She nodded, "I do. I love you Ron."_

_A rush of warmth went through him. "I love you too, Hermione."_

_They were staring and smiling at each other. The fire light danced across her face._

"_Well, I should get to sleep," Ron said getting up._

"_Yeah, you've got a big game," Hermione breathed looking back to her work._

"_Hey, don't stay up too much longer. You gotta be well rested to cheer your ass off," Ron said._

_Hermione gave him a look. "I don't expect much from you; don't expect much from me."_

_Ron chuckled. "Alright, good night."_

_Hermione nodded, "Night Ron."_

_He smiled once more and turned to the stairs. _

_**End flash back**_

"Mr. Weasley, you can go wash and go to bed. Your detention will start tomorrow," McGonagall said walking back into the room.

Ron opened his eyes and stood up. "Thank you," he said before leaving.

He walked the halls slowly and in silence. He went past the Ravenclaw entrance. His chest felt heavy but he stared at the door. A small smile formed. He kept walking feeling tightness around his eyes. When he made it inside the Common Room, Hermione was there. She was packing up her books. She looked up at him.

For a while they stared at each other. She gave him a once over and headed for the staircase.

"Hermione, wait," Ron said walking over to her. She turned to him. Her eyes were vacant and dark. She didn't say anything. "I'm…sorry."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't care that you hit Malfoy."

"No, about the over stuff," Ron said.

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm fine," she said turning around again.

"Mione…I…I don't know, okay? I don't know," Ron whispered.

Hermione turned to him again. She shook her head. "There's nothing to know. It's okay. Just…get some sleep. You look exhausted." Ron opened his mouth but Hermione cut in, "Good game, I tried my best to cheer as loud as I could for you."

Ron closed his eyes. He couldn't even watch her leave. He leaned against the wall and exhaled deeply.

He couldn't believe how everything was so different, but felt so familiar.

* * *

I know! one step forward, two steps back. Bare with them...they'll get it together, lol Complicating is awesome, lol. REVIEW!

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	7. We Never Change

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Ron tried to focus on his Transfiguration exam. He kept twisting his quill in between his fingers. He glanced next to him. Hermione was quickly writing her answers. He smiled a bit. She knew so much about so many things. He wished she knew how to fix him. Ron had been himself for almost eighteen years, and he still didn't have a clue about anything.

The bell rang and Ron was never more thankful. He turned in his paper to McGonagall and waited for Harry and Hermione by the door.

"That was rough," Harry breathed as they left her room and walked down the corridor.

"Oh, it wasn't that bad," Hermione said with a smiled.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Hermione, when will you learn that not all of us have a perfect memory of everything we read?" Hermione sighed and shook her head. Since their last encounter, the two of them had been a bit distant however; when they did socialize and were together it was pleasant. He hated to admit it, but he felt less pressure being around he all the time, but a part of him still really wanted her constant presence. Ron felt even more alone than he already did, but he couldn't go back on his word now. He couldn't admit that he missed her so much.

"Well, I'm glad it's the weekend. I'm more than ready to have fun," Harry said as they walked to the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron took his normal seat on the rug and Harry and Hermione sat on the couch.

"I don't know what you mean by fun Harry. The dance is this weekend," Hermione breathed while rubbing her eyes.

"Exactly, it will be brilliant. We all need some fun," Harry said prodding her.

Ron chuckled, "I'd never thought you'd be excited for a dance Harry."

"Well, I'm not so excited about the dancing part but it will be good for Ginny. She's been so down and I think this will really cheer her up." As soon as the last word left his lips, Harry instantly closed his mouth. He shook his head and looked down.

Ron gave him a look. "I agree, she needs some fun," he whispered. Harry looked back to him and nodded. There was silence.

"Well, I'm not going. I've had to help plan it and I'm already sick of it. I just want to have a calm and relaxing evening reading," Hermione said breaking the silence.

Harry gawked at her. "How are you not going? You're Head Girl."

"Exactly, I shouldn't have to go. Besides, it's not like I want to. What would I do at a Halloween dance?" she asked.

"I dunno, maybe dance?" Ron offered.

She rolled her eyes. "Are you going?"

"No," Ron said flatly. Ever since he heard about the dance he knew he wasn't going. There was no way he could watch everyone dance with each other and not be able to dance with Luna. It didn't help that Halloween had always been her favorite holiday.

"Oh, come on. You need to get out too," Harry said.

"Who's coming out?" Ginny asked walking into the Common Room.

"Not Ron apparently or Hermione. They're not going to the dance," Harry breathed with a smile.

Ginny sat next to Ron on the floor. "What? You two aren't going?"

"No, I really don't want to. I've seen enough of it. I have reading to catch up on," Hermione said.

Ron looked from Hermione to Ginny. "I just don't want to go."

Ginny sighed and shook her head. "Are you going to hide forever?"

"I'm not hiding Ginny. I just don't see the point in going. What would I do?" Ron asked already feeling angry.

"I don't know. You could dance. Talk to your friends, maybe. You could socialize beyond the three people in this room," Ginny offered.

Ron glared at Ginny. "Well, sorry if dancing around and making small talk doesn't interest me."

"Oh, stop this! Ron, I'm so sick of you moping around like this," Ginny breathed.

Ron exhaled deeply, "Ginny, will you just shut up? I am so bloody tired of you being so god damn high strong. I'm sorry if I'm not strong like you. Sorry if I can't heal as fast as you!"

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Hermione breathed.

"You think I'm healed Ron? You like I just forgot everything? News flash, I haven't. I hurt too! But I'm getting better and you want to know why?" Ginny asked. Ron continued to glare at her. "Because I'm trying. I'm going on with my life. What gives you the right to keep all your pain and memories to yourself! Luna would be so ashamed of you." Tears were clogged in her eyes now.

Ron left his heart break and his skin heat up. He was torn. He didn't give into his sadness. He let his anger build. He stood up. "You are the world's most selfish person. How fucking dare you talk to me about Luna and what she would feel? I don't give a fuck about some stupid dance and you want to know why? Unlike you Ginny, I don't have the love of my life to dance and have a good time with. I won't be shagging my love afterward like I'm sure you plan to do with yours. Harry is right here. He's right fucking here! Luna is bloody buried in the ground. She's in a fucking casket and she's not coming out! I don't give a shit if she's ashamed. It doesn't mean anything because she's not here to tell me that herself. Can you bring her here to tell me I'm letting her down? Can you Ginny!"

Ginny shook her head as more tears fell. "No, Ron. I can't."

"Then you have no right to talk to me or tell me what and how I should be. You can fucking go to bloody hell for all I care." With that, Ron left the common room.

He walked straight out of Hogwarts and to his favorite spot by the lake. The cool breeze felt wonderful to him. Ginny made him so angry. So much had changed between them. He couldn't stay outside too long. The wind was picking up and it was much too cold. He ran into Neville on his way past the Great Hall.

"Oh, sorry Neville," Ron breathed.

"It's okay Ron, really," he answered.

Ron nodded awkwardly. Neville had always been one of his better friends. Though they didn't have much in common Ron definitely felt connected to him. "So, um, I guess you're going to the dance?"

Neville chuckled, "Seamus and Dean won't let me back in the room if I don't go. They said they want to fix me up with Hannah."

Ron chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Well, good luck with that."

Neville smiled, "Yeah, I guess it doesn't hurt to get out there. I wish you would come but I totally understand."

"Thanks, not a lot of people seem to," Ron breathed.

Neville gave him a look. "You know…I fancied her for a while, Luna."

Ron's eyes grew. "Really?"

Neville turned faintly pink. "Yeah, she was a bit out there and I always felt that she just understood me. She was really good at making a person feel right at home."

Ron's chest felt tight. "Yeah, she really did. It's one of the reasons I loved her so much. I…didn't have to try with her." Ron felt lightheaded. It was the first time since her death that Ron had openly talked about her. It was even more daunting that it was with Neville.

Neville smiled and nodded. "Yeah, she was great. Anyway, I got over it when I saw how mad she was about you. No one ever stood a chance against you Ron."

Ron felt tears in his eyes. "Thank you Neville," he whispered.

Neville gave his shoulder a squeeze and walked off. Ron stood in place for several moments. He could hear the sounds of music and laughter in the Great Hall. A part of him did want to be there, but he just couldn't bring himself to go. He went back to the Common Room figuring he'd be better off playing himself in chess. However, when Ron got into the room, he saw Hermione sitting on the couch with many books next to her. She was in her pajamas and sipped on what Ron thought was hot tea.

"I guess you were serious about not going," Ron said walking closer to her.

Hermione chuckled and turned to him. "I'm a woman of my word." Ron smiled and nodded. They were quite for a while.

"Well, um, I didn't mean to disturb you," Ron mumbled.

"Oh, you're fine. You can sit if you want to," she said beginning to remove books.

"No, that's okay. I think I'll just go up to my room," Ron said. Hermione sighed and gave him a look. Ron didn't like her expression. "Well, I was just going to play chess is all."

"With who?" Hermione asked.

"Myself," he began. Hermione snorted and quickly covered her mouth. "Don't even start it. The only person I know who can beat me is Bill."

"I'll play you," she said with a smile.

It was Ron's turn to snort. "No offense, but you're not much of a challenge. For someone so smart you're pretty terrible at chess."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Well, for someone with such as short attention span you're really good at chess." Ron was about to retort but she cut in, "Just get the board Ronald."

Ron brought his old, beat up chess set to the table. Hermione moved from the couch and sat on the floor. They played in silence. Ron took Hermione's pieces with ease though she did put up a fight.

"So, how do you think Harry and Ginny are?" she asked while tapping on one of her knights with her pointer finger.

"Oh, Ginny is probably telling everyone what a bloody prick I am as usual," Ron breathed.

"She doesn't do that, Ron," Hermione said.

Ron picked up his pawn but then set it back down. He looked at Hermione. The light from the fire gave her skin a glow. Her large brown eyes were so bright from the blaze and her hair looked like a veil of chocolate. He was amazed. Ron had never realized before how beautiful she was.

He quickly turned away. "Hermione did you not hear what she said to me? Do you not hear what she always has to say? It's like she hates me and what's funny is that I don't really care," he said not really believing it.

Hermione slowly bit her bottom lip. Ron watched in great detail. "You don't mean that."

"It's like we're two different people now. So much has changed between since…Luna was murdered. It's like from that night in the hospital on, we've grown further and further away from each other." Ron stared at the chess pieces as if they would offer him salvation.

"Luna was important to both of you. She was a bridge and now that it's gone…it's harder," Hermione explained.

Ron shook his head. "I just don't know how things got so complicated."

"You should talk to her," Hermione breathed.

"I know but it's not just with her. Everyone seems to be moving ahead so fast and I can't pick my feet up. It's like I'm on a different frequency. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? I don't even understand what I'm saying." He looked back to her.

Hermione was gazing at him so longingly. Concern was painted across her kind, gentle face. She moved over so she was closer to him. Ron could smell her. It was so warm and sweet. She sighed, "Ron, I think it's time you've let go a bit. You need to let yourself face the fact that Luna is gone."

The words were so heavy. Ron had to stare into her eyes to keep breathing. He feared that if he lost her gaze, he would choke. "I…don't know how."

Hermione's brown eyes lightly glossed with tears. "I think part of the reason everything is so complicated and intense to you is because you don't want to live in what's happening now."

Ron's bottom lip trembled. "Hermione, some days…it's like I don't want to live at all." He had to turn away. He felt foolish and ashamed of himself.

Hermione touched his face. It burned against his skin. "I see that sometimes from you and it scares me so much."

She was whispering and her voice was shaking. Ron turned back to her. Tears had fallen down her cheeks. Ron took the hand was on his cheek and held it. "I don't mean to scare you. I just figure…if I don't think about it, it's less real."

"But it is real Ron. You have to let it in and then let it go." Hermione tried her best to smile.

"It's not that simple," Ron said.

"It's not supposed to be simple. It's just supposed to be," she said.

"I just feel so lost sometimes. It's like I don't have anyone who understands my side," Ron whispered. Hermione wiped her eyes and looked down to the floor. She seemed so frustrated.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Hermione simply shook her head. "How come you never tell me what's going on with you?" Ron asked.

"What do you mean?" Hermione breathed.

"You keep telling me to reach out but you aren't doing much of that either," he told.

Hermione chuckled, "It's not that important right now."

"And why is that?" Ron asked.

Hermione looked back at him. "Because it just wouldn't do any good Ron. You really need to think about what's going on now…and open your eyes a bit. I know you must think the world is pushing against you but you still have some weight on your side." Her voice cracked. She quickly shook her head and got up. "I'm sorry; I'm just going to go to bed." Hermione wiped her eyes again and walked upstairs. Ron looked after her. He exhaled deeply and rubbed his eyes. Once again Hermione left him confused.

Ron stayed in the Common Room. He went back to the chess board but couldn't really focus. Slowly, Gryffindors stumbled into the hall and up the stairs. Mostly all seemed tired and satisfied. Harry and Ginny walked in rather late. They stopped when they saw Ron staring at them.

"Well, I'll see you later then," Harry said kissing her. "Night Ron." Ron nodded to him. Ginny watched Harry walk up the stairs. He knew she didn't want to look at him.

"Do you feel like talking?" Ron asked.

"It depends on what you have to say," she breathed.

Ron tried with all his might not to roll his eyes. "Gin, get over here."

She sighed and walked over to him. She sat on the couch. She took off her cloak and shoes. Ron got up from the floor and sat next to her. "I think you should apologize and I'll do the same."

Ginny blinked several times. "What do I have to be sorry for?"

"Gin, you've been a complete bitch to me," Ron said.

She gawked at him. "You have some nerve. You think-"

"Yes, I do, but if I'm so wrong, tell we what I've done," Ron interrupted.

Ginny shook her head. "Well, for starters you ignored all of us…especially me all summer. Then we come here and you're rude and selfish. All you want to do is hide out."

"What do you expect from me? Have you forgotten what happened?" Ron asked.

Ginny shook her head. "No, I haven't but I think you've forgotten everything else."

"I'm sorry okay? It's just….this has been the hardest time in my life," Ron said.

"Mine too-"

"No it's different. When Luna died…we both lost her. You lost your best friend. I lost my girlfriend, but you see Ginny, that's where it changes. You...you still have friends," Ron said.

"There are not the same. None of them are Luna," Ginny choked.

Ron nodded, "I know, but you still have them. You have people you can talk to and share things with. It's not the same…but it's something. I lost my girlfriend and I don't have another one. I don't have someone to be with. Someone I can say I love you to…someone I can hold and kiss. I don't have another person to have me. I lost her." His heart beat had never been faster. He felt so sweaty and his head and eyes hurt.

Ginny gave a heavy breath and rubbed her eyes. "Oh, Ron, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…I just...get so angry. I was so alone and you weren't there. I just hate this. I think that if I try my hardest to seem over everything…then the memories wouldn't sting so badly, but…it's not working. Then I really get mad at you because we don't talk. You didn't even look at me during her funeral. I went searching for you but you weren't there." Ginny ran her hands through her extremely long and red hair. It followed back gracefully.

"Damn Gin, why do you have to be so much like her?" Ron asked. He didn't actually mean to say it but it sort of just came out of him.

Ginny stared at him. Her brown eyes were wide. "I don't know…I hate it sometimes. I hate myself sometimes."

"Me too," Ron choked. "I'm sorry I let her die. I'm so sorry I didn't make her stay longer."

Ginny let her tears fall. Her shoulders began to shake and she put her face in her hands. Ron wrapped his arms around her. Ginny hugged him back and cried. For the first time since Luna died they held each other. Ron let his wall down and finally let her in a bit.

"Gods Ron it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. You remind me of her too and I just can't stand how you can be so distant." Ginny's voice was dry.

"I just don't want to deal with this but I have to start," Ron said pulling away.

Ginny wiped her eyes. "I know I hate it."

"I don't see how you're so okay," Ron said,

Ginny chuckled, "I'm not okay Ron. I'm not okay at all, but what can I do?"

"Well, you have Harry to really help you," Ron offered.

"You have Harry as well," Ginny corrected.

"Not in the same way you do," Ron breathed.

"Well, you have Hermione and that's true rather you want to see it or not," Ginny said getting up. "I love you Ron. Remember that I do."

"I love you too Ginny," Ron said. Ginny smiled and walked to the stair case. "Ginny."

"Yes," Ginny said turning around.

Ron smiled, "Did you know that Neville fancied Luna?"

Ginny laughed a bit. "Yeah, she knew too, but she was focused on you, poor Neville." Ron laughed and clapped his hands. "She would have enjoyed the dance."

"Yeah, I would have too," Ron breathed. Ginny gave him a smiled before heading up the stairs.

Ron turned back to the fire. So much was spinning in his head. He thought about the last dance he went to with Luna. It didn't hurt to think about it so much. In fact, he smiled.

* * *

Yea! Now Ron can finally get on board! Lol, there's only so much constant sorrow right? Lol, well, review please and find out!

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	8. Fix You

Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Ron opened his eyes and sat up. He heard laughter. Opening the curtains he saw Dean and Neville hunched over Seamus's bed.

"What are you blokes doing?" Ron asked while getting out of bed. They turned to him.

"Get over here," Dean ordered.

Ron rushed over and peered in the bed. A dozen pieces of pink and red letters were scattered around his bed. "What the bloody hell is this?" he asked picking a letter up. It was in very sloppy yet girlish looking handwriting.

"Dear Seamus, I've been thinking about you all day again…love Susan!" Dean and Neville burst into laughter. Ron smirked. "I take it Susan didn't write this…or any of these."

"No mate, but Seamus doesn't know that," Dean choked out.

"I don't get it," Ron said.

Neville smiled at him. "Seamus has fancied Susan for ages. We just thought it would be fun to give him an incentive to ask her out. He won't do it without a little push. If he thinks Lavender likes him back…he may ask her to go to Hogsmead with him tomorrow," he explained.

Ron smiled, "So, I take it you're going with Hannah."

Neville turned a bit pink. "I am in fact."

"You're not going to tell him are you Ron? The man needs help. He's my best mate and I want him to be happy," Dean explained.

Ron waved a hand. "Oh, of course I won't tell. I know exactly how you feel. Harry did the same thing to me. I mean, he didn't come up with a brilliant scheme like this but he and Ginny had to practically drag me down to Luna's Common Room."

Dean and Neville gave each other a look. "Sorry," Dean mumbled.

Ron smiled as best he could. "Don't be…it's the best thing they could've done for me and it worked didn't it?"

"Yeah, it did," Neville breathed.

Ron nodded, "So carry on, I didn't see a thing." He grabbed his clothes and tooth brush and headed out of the room.

His head felt a bit cloudy. He had brought up Luna and for the first time and did not feel tightness in his chest, however, he still felt lonely. He was sure Susan would freak out and snog Seamus senseless once he asked her out. Everyone seemed to be finding someone. Ron wondered where that left him. He already had his someone, but she was dead. What was he supposed to do now?

Ron went to the Great Hall to eat. Breakfast was almost over so it wasn't very full. He took a seat by himself and slowly chewed on his toast. He looked around the hall. It was his last year. It was the last year he had to sit amongst the houses. He looked to the Ravenclaw table. Ron exhaled deeply. He tried to think about happy memories. He wanted to get better. He tried to think about all the times he would look up and find Luna smiling at him or during Dumbledore's announcements Ron would randomly make faces and would hear her light giggle from across the room. However, all he could think about was how he would never do that again, and when he left Hogwarts for good, he would not be walking out with his girlfriend like he had planned to.

"Ron, what are you doing here?" someone asked.

Ron looked up. Harry was giving him a look. "Oh, nothing, I woke up late and wanted to get some food. What are you up to?"

"I just got out of a meeting with McGonagall. I'm going to find Ginny," Harry said.

Ron nodded, "Harry, when you think about Sirius…does it hurt?"

Harry stared at him. He sat next to him and looked down. "Yeah, no matter what I think of, it hurts."

"Is it supposed to be that way?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged, "I dunno. I guess…if it doesn't hurt it didn't mean much in the first place."

Ron bit his lip and shook his head. "I'm trying Harry. It's just when I sit down and really think about things…it tears me up. How can I get over this if I can't even face it head on? I'm not used to loss. Not… like this anyway."

Harry smiled, "Mate, it's not about getting over anything. I'll never get over losing Sirius or even my parents but…it's more like finding a way to live with it. You shouldn't forget the pain. No matter how much it hurts."

Ron returned his smile. "You've been hanging out with Hermione for too long. You're getting smart like her."

Harry laughed, "No, I'll never be to her genius level but the girl does rub off on you doesn't she?"

"Yeah…she does," Ron said suddenly feeling a wave of warmth washing over him. "Do you think she's in her room?"

"Probably," Harry said.

Ron stood up. "Okay, see you later Harry...and be careful with my sister." Harry rolled his eyes. Ron cleared his throat and added, "I was always careful with Luna."

"I know you were mate," Harry said.

Ron nodded his head and walked off. He went to Hermione's room and knocked. There wasn't an answer. He waited for thirty minutes before figuring she was in the library. He looked all over and realized she wasn't in there either.

Ron gave up. He sighed and made his way down a corridor. He had his head down and bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry," he said looking up.

"It's okay Ron, although I don't know why you don't look up when you walk," Hermione breathed as books and papers scattered all over the floor.

Ron smiled, "Hermione, where have you been? I've been looking for you all day." He bent down and helped pick up her papers.

"Oh, I had a meeting today and McGonagall wanted me to take some things to Dumbledore's office," she explained sitting down.

Ron chuckled. "How is being Head Girl?"

Hermione shrugged, "Better than before. I'm getting use to a few constant annoyances but I like the responsibility."

"That's what I'll never understand about you. You want as much responsibility as possible. It's mad really," Ron said.

"Oh, no it's not. There's nothing wrong with wanting to take care of things," she defended.

"Well, at least you're good at it. Bloody hell, I would have been the worst Head Boy ever. I'm sure I would be the first in history to get sacked," Ron joked.

Hermione gave him a look. "Oh, I don't know about that. You never give yourself enough credit. I think you would have made an excellent Head Boy. It would have been fun with us working together."

"What? You don't have fun with Harry?" Ron asked.

Hermione shrugged, "Of course I do but I mean…he's Harry and he always has Ginny on his mind. At least we could've…I mean, oh never mind I have too many things going on in my head. Everything is bunching together." She kept shaking her head and tucked hair behind her ears.

Ron looked at her, "Do you want to go to Hogsmead tomorrow?"

"Sure I want to go," Hermione said.

"No, I meant…with me. Then maybe we could meet up with Harry and Ginny and it will be a bit more bearable because we can talk while they snog each other speechless," Ron explained.

Hermione's brown eyes grew. "Really? You want to go with me? Are you sure you want to?"

"Yeah, of course I want to go with you. We always have…up until…and now…we still should." Ron tried his best to explain without having to use the words. He already felt himself losing it.

Hermione rubbed her hands together and shook her head. "I'm sorry Ron; I don't think it's a good idea." She grabbed her books and walked away. Ron stared after her. He hadn't expected that. Ron sat there for several minutes trying to think of what he did wrong. Anger filled his veins.

He practically ran to Hermione room and banged on the door. She opened it. "What is your problem Ron?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Ron breathed.

Hermione rolled her eyes and let him in. She leaned against her vanity table. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? I thought you said you wanted to go," Ron said.

"I do Ron….but I can't go with you," she breathed.

He felt his heart drop. "Why? What did I do wrong?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, it's not like that it's just…I…want to enjoy myself. It's my last year here and the last time I'll just have free time to go and get whatever I want. I…just want to have a good time…without worrying about if I'm saying the wrong thing or if I'm reminding you of something. I'm sorry. You act like you regret every time we're together and I can't take it anymore." She turned away and put a hand to her mouth.

Ron looked down. He felt his face blush. He was such a bastard. "Hermione, don't apologize. You're right. Of course you should have fun…that's what the visits are for. I'm anything but fun right now."

Hermione turned back to him. "No, Ron, don't think about it like that…you have every right to feel and be how you are-"

"Stop it Hermione. You don't have to do this. You're right…I've...been such a fucking prick. I say I'll try and I don't. On your birthday I left you upset. Every time you've opened up to me I panicked and make you feel like shit. I'm sorry. You're my best friend and all you've done is the right thing…me…I've been selfish." Ron ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." He opened her door and left without another word.

The next morning, Ron got dressed but got a magazine. He decided not to go. It was probably better for him. He doubted he was ready to go alone anyway. There was a knock at the door. When he opened it and Hermione was on the other side smiling.

"You ready to go?" she asked.

"What?" Ron said.

Hermione put her hands on her hips. "Well, we don't have all day. We should get to Hogsmead while it's still a bit warm outside."

Ron wanted to protest but realized there was no point. Hermione looked amazing and his heart was already feeling lighter. He grabbed his coat and headed out. They walked around the village and Ron tried his best to talk. Once again people stared and once again Ron felt the familiar longing but he tried not to focus on it too much.

"Let's go to Honeydukes," Ron suggested.

They walked inside the colorful shop and Ron's mouth immediately watered for everything on the shelves. He spotted Neville and Hannah at the back looking at wiggling liquorish. With bulky bags they headed to the Three Broom Sticks next. The fall weather was not kind to their skin.

"Hey, over here," Harry said waving his arm. Ron and Hermione took seats across from him and Ginny.

"Surprised to see you two out," Hermione joked.

"Well, we wanted to see some things before heading back," Harry said.

Ginny smiled at Ron. "It's good to see you out here."

Ron returned the smile. "Yeah, I'm glad I came."

The four of them talked and sipped on warm butter beer. Ron really laughed for the first time. He felt a part of the group. There were memories all around him but he tried not to focus on it. However, when someone walked into the shop and said "Ron, Ginny" something changed.

"Mum," Ginny said getting up.

Ron turned around. Ginny ran over to their mother and hugged her. "Mrs. Weasley?" Hermione said.

"Is everyone alright?" Harry asked.

His mother smiled. "Oh, yes, everything and everyone is fine. I just need to see Ron and Ginny for a bit." Ron continued to stare at his mother.

"Sure Mrs. Weasley," Hermione said. She touched Ron's leg. "Ron, your mother needs to talk to you."

He nodded and stood up. He slowly walked over to her. She smiled. She seemed a bit older than when he last saw her. It didn't help that her brown eyes were painted with that same concern Ron had to face all summer. "I missed you Ron," she said hugging him. Ron tried to embrace her.

They walked outside. Ron was on one side of his mother, Ginny was on the other. "Let's go in here," his mother breathed.

They walked into a coffee shop Ron wasn't too familiar with. It was more for adults. They sat at a table. Ginny and Ron sat on one side facing her. His mother clasped her hands together and smiled. "How are you dears?"

"Better mum, I'm okay," Ginny breathed.

"I'm fine," Ron said instantly.

His mother frowned. "You haven't returned one single letter any of us wrote you. We had to get information from Ginny and Harry."

"I'm sorry...I'm not much of a writer," Ron came up with.

"That doesn't matter. We're your family and we love you. We worry about you Ronald. We just wanted to know how you were," she said slowly.

Ron rubbed his neck. He felt so guilty. "I'm sorry," was all he could say. They were quite. Ron felt his entire summer pass through him. His mother reminded him of all the pain. His family had been there through it all. They had seen him and Luna. They saw him break down and saw her body at the funeral. He didn't want to deal with it. He wished Hermione was sitting with him. He wished she'd hold his hand like before.

"Well, the reason I came is to let you know about Rapil's trial," his mother whispered.

Ron didn't register her words. All he could think about was the name Rapil and what that it meant. He heard Ginny take a sharp breath.

"Mum, what are you talking about?" Ginny asked.

His mother gave her a look. "I know dear but I thought you two would like to know he's in Azkaban."

"I figured that much would happen...I mean…he did murder someone," Ron pressed.

"Ron, please," Ginny choked.

"Well, it's official now Ron. He didn't give any names of course. Even with the serum he didn't give names. It's some dark magical memory bind or something," his mother explained.

"Wow, and there's no getting around it?" Ginny asked.

His mother shook her head. "They've tried. They've asked Xenophilius for his memory to help identify the others but he's memory isn't very good. Apparently he passed out right after-"

"Stop it," Ron demanded.

She frowned at him. "Ronald, do not talk to me that way."

"Well, don't talk about it. I don't want to hear it," Ron said.

"Maybe you don't but I'd like to know what's going on. My best friend was murdered and I would love to know her murders see justice," Ginny spat.

Ron got up. "Fine, I'll leave."

"Ronald Billius Weasley you get your arse in that chair," his mother warned. Ron immediately sat back down. He crossed his arms. She took a deep breath. "Ron, now I know this is hard for you but don't ever act that way to your sister or to me. We are your family."

Ron felt tears hit his eyes. "Mum, you don't get it. I don't care. I don't care that one of them is in Azkaban. I don't care that Mr. Lovegood is alive is well-"

"He's not well, he lost his daughter. She's buried next to his wife," his mother cut in.

Ron was silent. "But he's here isn't he? Luna's not, I'm trying to deal with it and here you come bringing me back. Mum, I can't take it."

His mother's eyes swelled with tears. "I know Ronnie. I've heard how hard you've had it. Why don't you ever write me?"

Ron tried to keep himself together. "And say what? Mum, dad, today I woke up and regretted it? Or that I can't even look two feet in front of me without hurting from memories? What good would that do? I'm sorry mum."

"I just worry. We all worry," his mother said.

"I know, and I'm trying. That's why I'm trying so hard, but this is too much. Thanks for telling me but it doesn't make a difference." He stood up and walked over to her. He kissed her cheek. "I love you," he choked.

He walked out of the shop and roughly wiped his eyes. He went back to The Three Broomsticks. "So, what was that all about?" Harry asked.

Ron shrugged, "I'm sure Ginny will tell it all but it's just stuff about…Luna." He rubbed his eyes and felt anger again. No matter what he couldn't get away from it. Ginny came back not too much later. She told them the story and Ron tried his best to tune it out.

"So, basically, Mr. Lovegood lost almost all control of his left arm. He can still move it but its rubbish," Ginny finished.

"He's lucky," Hermione said.

"It's great Rapil is going to Azkaban. It's what he deserves," Harry added.

Ginny shook her head. She had a pained expression on her face. "I don't think so. He needs to watch someone he loves get killed. If he's even capable of feeling anything that would be what he deserves," she said.

Ron nodded. "I agree."

She gave him a small smile. "He wants to see us."

"Who?" Ron asked.

"Mr. Lovegood. Apparently he keeps in touch regularly with mum and dad. He misses us," Ginny said.

Ron's heart beat picked up. He didn't even know what to say. "Why would he miss us?"

"Ron, you and Ginny have been a big part of his life for quite some time now," Harry said.

Ron couldn't even begin to think about what he would say to Mr. Lovegood. He never wanted to see him again. "Well, I'm sure he had bigger things on his mind. Hermione, are you ready to go?"

"Sure," she breathed getting up.

The two of them walked back to Hogwarts in silence. Ron was annoyed and frustrated. He was having a good day. He wasn't remembering but something always brought it all back. No matter what it came back.

They went to her room. Hermione sat on her bed and he sat next to her. "Sorry today was so terrible," Hermione breathed.

"It's not your fault. I just can't escape it. I had fun with you…maybe its best if we just do things together with no one else around. We're better alone," he joked.

Hermione's face suddenly turned very pink. He felt his own glow a bit warmer. "I don't know about that. We haven't done so great alone."

Even more heat hit his face. Ron knew he was blushing terribly but Hermione was as well. He liked it a lot. "Blame me for that. I never want to talk. I just wanted to sit. It isn't fair," Ron said.

"I can understand why," Hermione tried.

Ron looked at her. "I'm glad Rapil was caught. I'm happy Mr. Lovegood is okay…but all I can think about is Luna when I hear about them. I saw her dead Mione. I felt her cold body in my arms. I just don't want to think or talk about it."

"It's okay Ron. I don't mind if you don't want to talk about it. Believe it or not I like just not talking too. I have things on my mind that I don't want to think about," she explained.

Ron smiled, "So, what do you want to do?"

Hermione stood up and took off her coat. Ron did the same. She reached inside her desk and took out a pack of Exploding Snaps.

"Wow, I didn't know you were a fan," Ron said.

"Oh, I'm not. It was a birthday gift from your roommates. Something to keep me busy I guess," Hermione explained taking the cards out.

It seemed like forever the two of them played. Ron laughed which made Hermione laugh which made him feel better.

"I can't take it anymore," Ron said clutching his side sometime later.

Hermione wiped her eyes. "Yeah, dinner is soon. I'm sure I just laughed away ten pounds."

Ron stood up and held out his hand. Hermione took it. "Are you hungry?" he asked while feeling a rush from her warm, small hand in his.

She wiped her eyes again. "Yeah, I actually think I have some Ron Weasley sized hunger today."

Ron grinned. Hermione's face was flushed and her brown eyes were so big and bright. She was so beautiful. It was a beauty that was so natural and unexaggerated. Her hand was still in his. Ron didn't know what came over him. He pulled her into a hug. Hermione immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.

He took in her scent and held her tightly. "Thank you, I feel so bad and then…you just make me better. I want us to be okay like we used to be."

Hermione rubbed her thumb against his neck. It have him goose bumps. "Of course Ron, all I want is for you to be okay." He pulled away. Hermione's face was even more flushed. "Want to go eat?"

"Yeah, then we can finished round fourteen," Ron said.

They walked out of her room and down to dinner. Ron head was spinning and his chest felt tight but it wasn't from sadness, he was happy.

Ron was happy.

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